Giving new meaning to "Sneaky Little Devil"

I just finished another night of bible study. Boy, do I love those girls! I am so blessed to have them in my life. I have never come away from a night of bible study without thinking that God was in on it. Even if we don't talk about the set study, but like tonight, we talked about our lives and what's going on in them. Random? Oh, I don't think so. God doesn't do random. Every conversation is filled with meaning, nothing is too "ordinary" or "mundane". Life is in the ordinary. That is where we reside. And that is where God shows himself. He doesn't just appear in super extraordinary events. I think He loves it when we realize He's in the "mundane" events in our lives. He's with you when you're having a "mom melt-down". He's with you when your baby's sick. He's with you at every stage in your life. We only need to open up our eyes.

When we are going through the ordinary we must be aware that the choices we make in those times effect our future just as much, or even more so, than those events we know to be instrumental. I'm talking about letting the enemy get to you. Whether it be letting him bring down your mood on those days where it feels like a grey cloud is over your head, or whether it be listening to the lies that is spewed out of his mouth. Oh, and he's clever. He doesn't say anything that will get your guard up, you think it's your own thoughts. He knows where to strike, he knows your weak spots, where you're most vulnerable. He got to me recently and I told the girls about it tonight, and I thought I would tell you too.

As I have said previously, this has been the year that I confront my fear. The fear I have nurtured and fed all my life. I can only serve one master-I choose Jesus. I realized that I cannot serve Jesus to the extent he wants me to if I am chained with fear.

Sure, at first the battle seemed easily won. I faced fear in Disneyworld when I rode the 'scary' rides. It was hard, it took a lot of prayer and encouragement from my family but I did it- screaming-or rather grunting all the way. But afterward I felt really good, almost proud of myself. I made memories with my family that I otherwise wouldn't have had. Now although I felt great about facing my fear after I was off the rides, I was still terrified before and during the ride.

Now, I am almost sure that the rides themselves don't bring glory to God-but that perhaps me conquering my fear of them does bring God some glory. Some may shake their heads and disagree that conquering my fear of heights, speed, and lack of control is inconsequential to God. That God demands a person to risk more of themselves in order to please Him, but I don't think so.

Africa. I have really been 'put through the ringer' by the enemy on this. When I heard the call, the urge from God to go-I reacted, I signed up. It all seemed so easy to do-without much thought really. We had the money and the time, God called-yup. Check. All is good-lets go!

At first I was a little unsettled that there were only going to be 3 of us, but the excitement of the trip masked my fear. When I started to focus more on the number of us going I began to doubt. Doubt that maybe we weren't meant to go-I mean, really? Really Lord-us three? I mean Stephen and I are kind of new to this whole obeying God thing-I don't doubt Tamara's ability, after all she has been on mission trips before. I think I almost felt sorry for her to have us! Stephen and I grew up with Tamara in Wembley, but our lives took separate paths-only to be brought back together now. Coincidence? Hardly. But I was starting to think that maybe God had called the wrong people for this trip. Or maybe I misread the calling. Maybe it was my flesh that wanted to go on this mission and not God. Do you see the train of thoughts that the enemy has me chasing? Instead of this trip being part of God's plan, the enemy has me thinking it was all part of my selfish ambition, God did not want me to go and therefore He won't be with me or us on this trip. No! I rebuke you Satan! I will not receive these lies into my heart! My God loves me. My God will not forsake me whether I am at peace or whether I am in the depths of despair. My God is with me ALWAYS!

Thank you Father! Thank you for your faithfulness when I have so little.

This has been the biggest battle (that I am aware of) that I have faced in regards to the spiritual realm. Satan has been relentless in trying to bring every fear possible to the surface because he knows that fear is my weakness. I am going to write out his attacks that he whispers to me so I can rebuke them:

You are being selfish leaving your kids-what if you die?

You're not supposed to go.

It's your pride that volunteered for this, not a calling from God.

God is not with you.

Only 3 of you? Ha! What good will you do with only 3 of you?

Who do you think you are?

The bugs, spiders, snakes, and scorpions will get you!

You are not holy enough to go.

There is an order to these things, you are not in order!

No one wants you there.

What? You think you are holy now? Ha! I know your secrets!

What a waste to send you!

There are terrorists in Egypt, they will kill you!

The plane will crash and you will die!

In Jesus's name I rebuke you Satan! I rebuke every lie that you utter! I do not receive the thoughts you whisper to me! I ask Jesus to speak truth over me. Jesus, allow me to recognize Satan's attacks so that I may rebuke him. He has no power over me!

TRUTH

I am supposed to go.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jer.29:11)

I am a daughter of the Most High.

Who is holy enough? We all fall short of the righteousness of God.

God called me.

I am being a faithful servant of Christ, it is my hope that my daughters do the same.

God is ALWAYS with me.

I may not know what we are going to do-but God knows.

If God chooses this time to take me home I will be with Him in a blink of an eye.

David defeated Goliath, not the army--but ONE boy!

I am not a waste of time-God is the ultimate recycler-He has made new what was once old in order to bring glory to Him

There is no hierarchy of obedience!

Bugs, spiders, snakes, and scorpions are all God's creation--they are not evil. I will not fear them.

God is so good! All this time I have been trying to fight these fears in the flesh--by doing: reading about conquering fear and strongholds, doing things that I am normally scared of. I was trying to control the thoughts of the enemy. I was trying to logically debate the questions in my mind. I was trying to prepare for the worst--researching scorpions and snakes to learn what to do in case of a bite or sting; getting a will; researching terrorism in Egypt--just a little nighttime reading! I was trying to defeat the fear but I was feeding it all along...playing right into the enemy's hands.Clever. I kept asking myself the same question--I know God doesn't want me to be in fear but HOW do I go about that? It finally broke me. And I asked God through the tears. And he answered me.

LauraLee trust me.

How do I do that?

Let go.

(crying)

You can't control everything. But I can. I AM.

(crying)

I will never forsake you. Never. EVER.

I don't know if I can be fearless.

You don't have to be. I AM. I will carry you.

Praise you Father!

This all happened a couple of weeks ago. I was reading Daniel 3 for my bible study and in the workbook the topic of martyrdom kept coming up. It spoke about John Hus, Hugh Latimer and Nicholas Ridley being burnt for their faith. Daniel chapter 3 speaks about Meshach, Abednego, and Shadrach in the fire. And I kept thinking: were they scared? How did they face death so bravely? Now I know they didn't do it of their own control, they gave it up and God took over. Through God's grace.

Lord, help me to remember this truth.

We have a wild ride ahead of us Lord. But like Meshach, Abednego and Shadrach...there will be a 4th person on this trip...Jesus.