Overcoming the Power of Death

This one is a hard one. This one hits home for every person...if not yet, it will one day. Death. It is inescapable. It is the one thing we all have to face one day. It isn't a pleasant topic. People tend to live their lives as if it can not touch them. They deny the inevitable.

I was introduced to death as a young child. My dad died when I was a little over 3 years old. Now, you might think that I was too young to even understand the concept of death. Maybe you think I was too young to even remember my dad. Was too young to feel the bond, the power of relationship with him. But I remember, blessedly. He was 50 when I was born. And yet, I remember him getting on his hands and knees after he came home from work so I could ride the bucking bronco. You see, he was a cowboy...and I was daddy's cowgirl. I remember riding his leg like a pony as he sat on the couch...I could barely do that with my girls at 22! And I remember sleeping between him and mom...when I was lucky. I remember that I would nestle into his chest as he was lying on his side, his arms around me. I remember the tan line of his shirts...farmer's tan...how his face and neck were red...and the stark difference of the white of his chest. And I felt so loved and protected. Like nothing could come between us. My dad, my hero. All that changed one cold January morning. Death stole my dad.

To tell you the truth, I don't remember anything about the day after. Life went on. Did I mourn? I can't remember. I really think that is a gift from God. He allowed me to remember my dad in life, but sheltered me from the pain that comes after. I do remember when I was about 5 or 6, lying in my bed, scared about dying, about death. So it must have affected me subconsciously. And when I was around 8 and my mom and step-dad were breaking up, I remember praying to God, telling him how scared I was...asking why everyone always has to leave. The really powerful part is that I never grew up in a Christian home. I know I went to church a couple of times with my sister and her family (my dad's grown daughter from a previous marriage). I remember when I had gone to church it felt just like it did when my dad used to hold me at night...protected, loved. I remember when I was scared I felt like God was speaking to my heart saying that he was my Father and that he would never leave me. Thank you Father!

Unfortunately that would only be the first of many deaths. The next one would be the death of a close friend at 14 years old. He took his own life. I still remember that night. Everything was so "normal" the moment before. Then the phone rang. It was one of my friends on the line. And somewhere between sobbing and screaming she told me that he was dead. What?? My heart flipped. I could hear my other friends in the background crying. "You guys are joking, it isn't funny." They weren't joking. I immediately ran into my living room, he lived across the back alley from me and I could see his kitchen window. It looked so calm, so normal. The light was on. Wouldn't there be more...chaos?? Surely nature itself would be crying out? How could everything still be the same...knowing he wasn't in the world anymore? I phoned other friends...hoping, praying that it was all a big misunderstanding. No.No.No. My soul cried out. My heart broke in two. It was so painful. I couldn't breathe. Every moment that ticked by was a moment without him. I cried myself to sleep that night and when I woke up I was so sure it had all been a dream. It wasn't. He was such a happy guy, always smiling that huge smile of his. He had so many friends, had such a loving family. Why? That became a popular word. "Why did you do this"? So painful. Seemed so senseless. Then a week after another suicide by a boy in our town. Our school became a house of mourning. Grief counsellors were sent. Questions ran rampant. What was going on in this small town? Was there a cult? News cameras captured the grieving. One question that was asked was where was he now? Was he in Heaven? Was he in Hell? Was he just the cold body now in the ground?

We were well acquainted with loss in our small community. It seemed like every year we had at least one young person die that we knew. Some died from drinking and driving, some died from leukemia, some died in tragic car accidents. So many lost. It became "normal". Who was going to die this year? Did we change our destructive ways? Nope. Did we continue to drink and drive. Yup. We were all so stupid. The thing was is we didn't think it would happen to us. How else do you get back home from a party in the bush? There are no cabs. To be a DD meant you were not going to have any fun at all. Call a parent? Are you kidding? That would put you in the "nerd" category...besides, sometimes there wasn't just alcohol at the party...we wouldn't want to get anyone else in trouble. So stupid. Looking back now I can see that we weren't bad kids, we just didn't know any other way. Oh yes, we were told not to drink and drive. We were told smoking was harmful to our health. We were told not to do drugs. We were told to not have sex...okay...no we weren't, we were told to have "safe" sex. All while we saw our parents drinking, smoking...and some of our parents doing drugs. It was very normal for me to have a smoke with my mom at the breakfast table at age 14. It was very
normal for us to drink with our parents...you know the old saying..."If you're going to drink...I would rather you do it with me in our home..." I'm shaking my head right now. Wow. Was there ever a veil in front of our eyes. I remember many times seeing my step dad have a couple of ryes at his shop with friends and then get in the vehicle and drive home. Normal. Now I'm not saying everyone I hung around with, and not everyone in that community were the same. But I would say the majority was. And I'm not placing all the blame on the parents either. I'm just stating the facts. It was like we were playing a game of Russian Roulette...we accepted that it was bound to happen...but to whom? We knew death...but we chose not to acknowledge what happens to a person after they die.

When I think of life back then, it feels like a hundred years ago. It's like I'm looking at someone else. It seems so bizarre...all the things we did. That definitely is not the norm to me anymore. I often tell people of my past, where I came from, what I did.  But, it isn't painful because it reminds me of what Jesus has done in my life. Talk about making a new wineskin! And I love it when people cannot believe that that was who I was. Even if they aren't believers, they can't deny the extreme change in me. Especially those who only know me as a Christian...it makes me laugh when I tell them my testimony! The looks of shock never grow old. I don't tell my testimony for the shock value alone...I tell it because when you give your life to Jesus, when you surrender all...how powerful it is when he takes your old self and transforms you into something new! Hallelujah! Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17).

We recently experienced a tragic event that has affected so many young people, as well as those of every age. There was an accident involving 5 teenagers...two 16 year olds and three 15 year olds. All but one 15 year old died. Another young man, 21 years old, hit the teens' car with his truck as they were leaving a party. The 21 year old had been drinking. As far as I know, or heard from reports, the driver of the teens' car hadn't been drinking. The outpouring of love and support from the community to the victim's families has been awe-inspiring. The anger and outrage at the 21 year old is expected. However, people have to learn to look at themselves truthfully as well. How many times have they had a couple of beer and drove home? How many have quickly checked their phone, received a text, or even texted while driving? I'm thinking the majority. I'm not trying to justify the behaviour, or in any way say it is acceptable...I'm just trying to say that before we judge another, we should look in the mirror first. I'm pretty sure that the young man didn't say to himself that night..."well, I think I'm going to go out and kill 4 boys tonight." It was horrible and tragic...but we need to forgive. I know if I was in that man's place I would beg for forgiveness. If I were his mother I would want his community to forgive him. He will pay for his bad choice for the rest of his life...in prison, and in his thoughts and memories. One thing I'm pretty convinced of is that we tend to punish ourselves harsher than anyone else can. I pray LORD that you not only comfort the families of the teen boys, but that you comfort the man and his family as well. I pray Father that you speak into their hearts, that they come to know you, whether for the first time or if they have known you all their lives. I pray that they all receive your love and forgiveness. I pray that this young man feels your love for him. We all have sinned, and you love us still...so Lord, we know that you love this man. Help him to feel your love, help him to feel your forgiveness. Lord, you told the story about the master forgiving the servant's great debt, and how that same servant would not forgive a smaller debt of a peer. Lord, I pray that we all feel the enormity of your love for us, that you forgave all our sins, every single nasty one of them. The enormity of our sins...all of them. But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). And as you forgave us Lord, that we need to forgive others. It says in the Lord's prayer to forgive us our trespasses as we forgive other's trespasses against us. Therefore, Lord if we do not forgive others than you will not forgive ours, Lord. Please Lord, speak into the people's hearts, their souls, their minds Lord. Let them get this. Amen.

My oldest daughter is 15. She knew one of the boys, went to school with him. She kept asking though sobs and tears.."why am I crying so hard, I hardly knew him..." Because dear child, you are human. Looking at the whole thing one can't help but feel the sadness, the possibilities evaporate. They were 15 and 16. Just babies in life. Parents can't help but imagine if it had been their children involved...kids think about the loss of a future...school, college, first loves, marriage...lives gone, wasted. My daughter wrote a letter to God. In it, she asks God why? If You are all-knowing , all-powerful...why...how could you do this? She says how angry she is with God, how it doesn't make sense. Why does a loving God take people away so young? Did they do something wrong? Why them? Why now? Are they with you in heaven? If they didn't believe in you, where are they now? Would you send a teenager to hell? Tough questions. Real questions. So very proud of her. I am so happy that she would write a letter to God, even if it was to yell at him. I truly believe that God is okay with that. He wants us to ask, he wants us to seek.

The night I found the letter on the kitchen counter I read it and was up all night. Scriptures kept coming to my mind answering the same questions she was asking. I knew God wanted me to speak to her, and the best way I can get it all out is writing...hence, this post. It's a tough subject. The old heaven and hell question is never an easy one to discuss, especially when speaking about kids. So here it goes...

The first thing that comes to my mind is that I want to apologize and say that I don't mean to offend anyone. But then God steps in. He reminds me that I have nothing to apologize for. Why would someone apologize because of the truth? The truth is simply that, the truth. It is not my fault that somebody may not believe the truth, it still doesn't negate the fact that it is the truth. The truth is the truth whether I choose to believe it or not. I can choose to believe that there is no gravity on earth, but if I jump off my roof I will still fall. Just because I don't believe there is gravity, doesn't mean that it's the truth. Nowadays, the world would have us tolerate anyone, anything, any religion, anybody's 'personal truth'. We don't want to offend anyone. We must be politically correct in all things. We say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas...because, doing so may offend those who don't believe in Christ...or my personal truth...so isn't that in fact...an offense against me? My goodness! Really people. Open your eyes. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Jesus did not come and politely ask people to turn aside from evil, and if they didn't, say...okay, nevermind, didn't mean to offend you Pharisees! Absolutely not! He came to offend! He came to break the yokes, to break our chains of sin by offering us a way out, a way to be forgiven, to have eternal life. He died for us. He stepped on toes all right! He wasn't scared to speak the truth. He didn't come to win a popularity contest, He came to save lives. Thank you Jesus! Praise you Father! Shake us up Lord! Offend us Lord so that we ask questions...so that we wake from our sleep!

God is all-powerful, all-knowing, sovereign. That means He knows everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen. He is outside of time. He knows us all. He knows who we are now, who we were, and who we will become. He knows the circumstances that you were born into...no one is a mistake: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalms 139:13-16). Yes, God loves us so much he lets us choose to love him or not. He allows us to make choices, some choices are bad, some are good according to God. However, do not fool yourselves in believing that God is surprised or shocked by our choices. Our free will does not trump his sovereign will. If our choices trumped God's will then he wouldn't be all-knowing, all-powerful. Because that would mean that we can control our lives, control God. Yes, we have free will, but he knows the choice we will make before we even make it. He wants that we should choose his will so that we may have abundant life: The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).

So yes, God knew those boys were going to die that night. He knew that the young man would have some drinks, he knew he would get in his truck and he knew the outcome. More importantly, he knows the ultimate outcome from this one event. We can't see the full effect of how this event will touch people, change people. Our choices have a ripple effect. God has a clear view of the effects. I don't know the ultimate outcome. But I can tell you what I have witnessed in my circle of family and friends: parents hugged their kids a little tighter, the community came together in love, people realized how life can change in a moment, people who normally don't look to God shook their fists at him. And I can imagine that from this people may start to question life after death, maybe even looked into it...went to church, looked in their bible. And I pray that many people gave their lives to Jesus from this. I pray that instead of asking what would happen if I died or if my teen died, there wouldn't be any question to where they might go cause they would KNOW. They would know that..."God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). Before time began God knew he would sacrifice his own Son so that we wouldn't have to know that pain of true death. He did that so that when times such as this happens we would have confidence and a hope that our loved ones will be in Heaven with him. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (Romans 8:28-30). My oldest daughter once asked me "mom, if my friend (who isn't a believer) and I fell into a lake and we were drowning and you could only save one of us...who would you save?" I answered, "you, of course". Her answer: "But mom, my friend can't die! She needs time to get to know Jesus." Wow, was I abashed. You see, my daughter, you already get it. You just have to look at the bigger picture. What is the price of one's eternal soul? Like I said, I don' know what God's purpose is in this situation. But I have gotten to know him and his ways a little. Probably just scraped the surface. And I know that my God is mighty to save. I know that : He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9).

Often times we need an awakening. A trial, a suffering, a tragedy to occur that makes us stop and think. This culture is all about hurrying around trying to find contentment and peace in things of this world. When we have it easy, when we are prosperous we tend to think it was accomplished all though our own strength. Who needs God when you have everything? Sometimes the times in our lives when we suffer are those times when we are the closest to God. Those are the times when we turn our heads and seek him and find him. It is through God's great mercy that he awakens the awareness of mortality in us. We are all going to die a physical death. That was the consequence of Eve and Adam's choice in the garden. But it is our choice whether we want to suffer the second death that comes after. Do you want to go to heaven or hell? Why is that such a hard question?? Times such as this can draw us to God's calling.

I have no idea if the boys who passed away knew Jesus as their saviour. I desperately hope they did. No one knows what's in another's heart except God. God knows, that is what matters. I don't come to speak judgement on the boys, I am well aware of the hope of eternal life. I choose to believe that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life...that no one comes to the Father except through him (John 14:6). I choose to believe that even though I don't know if my dad was saved. I choose to believe that even if I don't know if my friends were saved. Because, it is the truth. I can't warp the truth to fit for my benefit. For my peace of mind. I know it angers a lot of people. How can God send good people to hell? That's just it though, he didn't...they chose it by denying his Son. Wouldn't I be a hypocrite if I believed differently?

He loves us so much. He knows what it feels like to lose someone. Of course, even if the person who died was saved we still mourn for him. But we have a hope, an expectation, a promise "that if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead. you will be saved" (Romans 10:9). It is such a comfort that I know in good times and bad times God is sovereign. He reigns. He loves us. There is a plan and a purpose for everything. Everything. Thank you Father! The world would have us believe that things happen by accident...no purpose...life exists because of a big bang. No hope. Thank you Father for lovingly creating us and knowing each and every heart.

Psalms 42:1-11

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God

When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

These things I remember as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my saviour and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon--from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my rock, "Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, My Saviour and my God.

We need to learn to praise God in the good times and the bad. I know it is hard, and at times like these it is easy to just see the pain, feel the devastation of it all. The enemy seeks to steal our hope, destroy our faith, kill our purpose in Jesus. Don't let him. In the midst of the sorrow turn to God. Pray for comfort, pray for peace, seek him...he will be there. Praising God in the midst of suffering doesn't mean you have to start singing worship songs. It means you surrender in knowing that God knows the best for us. It means you want God's will to be done. Praising God in the midst of suffering is the highest form of worship. And he will comfort you. Praise be to the God and Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows ( 2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -Jesus (John 14:27)

Silencing the Accuser

Something's in the air lately. Depression. Anxiety. Exhaustion. Stress. Worry. Hopelessness. Fear. People are thirsty and hungry for more, but they refuse to see the truth of what it is that they're missing. The enemy and his league are working overtime because they know they're time grows short. They don't know when, but they can feel the shifting, the stirring of things to come. They blind people to the truth...they cover the people's eyes so they don't see, they cover the people's ears so they don't hear. They numb them. They whisper lies and oppress. They encourage gossip, slander, immorality, self-centeredness...the "it's all about me" and the "because I deserve it" mentality. And those who yearn for God feel unworthy to be saved, unworthy to be called a child of God. They begin to question the legitimacy of their salvation. It makes me so angry! There is a cloud of oppression surrounding the land trying to block out the brilliance of God's love and forgiveness. Because the more people they can fool into believing that God doesn't exist, the more people they can smother with lies so they feel unworthy... the greater their victory. They know they don't have much time.

I think of the people in my life. Family. Friends. Co-workers. I see pain. I see heaviness of spirit. And it breaks my heart. Some know God as their Saviour. Some don't. God loves them all the same. I feel such a burden for them. I want to rip open my chest and expose my heart to them. I want to show them how Great God is...he took my decaying life, my decaying heart and transformed it into a heart overflowing in His love. It brings tears to my eyes even now, hopefully it always will. His love trumps all. His love washes away doubt, anger, fear, depression, oppression...unworthiness. "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink" (John 7:37b). Thank you Jesus.

I was watching Beth Moore the other day and she said something that struck me. She was speaking about how when we accept Jesus as our Saviour, the Holy Spirit comes and dwells in us. The Holy Spirit is often thought of as a fire, as in the book of Acts when the Holy Spirit came down and filled everyone: "They saw what appeared to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them" (Acts 2:3). When we are first called and surrender to Jesus we are imparted with a gift of God..the flame of the Holy Spirit. Makes sense. I know when I truly 'got it'...when I really understood what it meant to give my life to Jesus I was ON FIRE! Amen? I had a burning inside that had me on a high. I wanted to tell everyone about Him. I had a Father in Heaven who loved me! Me. Little old sinful me. Praise you Father! I read my bible, I joined every kind of  bible study at the church. I shouted praise songs in the car. But then life sneaks in. At first you don't notice...I mean, you still love God...but work calls. Things happen. Maybe a sickness, maybe a death...perhaps it's only everyday worries...the rent's due, the water heater broke...where am I supposed to get the money to pay for that? You start to realize that it's hard living in this world. Maybe memories of past abuses, past toxic relationships start to infringe upon your thoughts. "I thought this Christian life would be a lot easier". "Where's God in all this?" Oh He's there. The truth is that becoming a Christian is easy...walking the life as a disciple of Jesus--way more difficult.

You see, when someone gives their life to Christ, what we experience in the natural pales in comparison to what happens in the supernatural. The very moment we surrender we are marked for God. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us and put his spirit in our hearts as a deposit guaranteeing what is to come" (2 Cor 1:21-22); " And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession--to the praise of his glory. (Eph 1:13-14); "The Lord knows who are his" (2 Tim 2:19). Now, I don't know who this seal is visible to...can only God and his angels see it or can the powers of darkness also see it? I don't have a definite answer to that but what I do know is that our actions are apparent to Satan and his cronies. And they really don't appreciate it when we score points for the good guys. When we tell our testimony, when we tell someone about Jesus and his saving grace and love, when we move in the spirit and become warriors of God...it gets noticed. When you become a person who is making a difference in the lives of people by showing Jesus in you, when you excel in your gifts from God, when you show the world what God has done in and through your life...you might become a target for the enemy's arrows. Because he knows that he needs to silence you. He does that by preying on your weaknesses, trying to tempt you. Or maybe he will see how far your faith will hold you. Remember a guy name Job? Will it take a death? Bankruptcy? Sickness? Is your faith superficial? Is it dependent upon your pastor, your youth leader? What about lust? Or love? What will make you bend too far..just enough to break you? Then that is what he will focus on. Does this scare you? It shouldn't. You should feel empowered. You should feel emboldened! You matter! YOU MATTER! I love it! Because nothing, nothing at all can separate you from Christ! Nothing! "...neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Rom 8:38-39)Ahh..except one thing..ourselves.

Satan can't make us do anything. He can tempt us. He can whisper suggestions. But we are the ones who choose to listen or not. How often do you need to hear the whispers before they become your reality? Maybe you've heard them before: "You're not worthy", "Nobody cares", "You don't matter", "What good are you?". I have had my fair share of attacks. You see the enemy is smart...he whispers lies to you for you to believe, but at the same time he makes you think you don't need help, or better yet...you're not sick enough to deserve help..you're issues are insignificant. At the time I was a young mother with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I had been married for about 6 years to a wonderful guy. We had a nice house, great family and friends...I'm sure it seemed perfect from the outside, but inside I was drowning. I would have good days, then I would deny how depressed I had been during the dark days...but then I would sink again. So finally, one day I had a thought to write down everything I was thinking. And I tell you now that I truly believe that was God speaking to me even though at the time I never knew him. My letter shocked me. I wrote to no one in particular, just emptied myself. I wrote that I was a horrible mother...always yelling...the girls would be better without such a mom; I said I was a sad excuse for a wife...never wanting to be held, always sad...he deserved better; I was a failure a being a good friend...never wanting to go out and visit...they deserved better. What am I doing here? They all are better off without me. Yup. I was in the depths. Satan was holding my face under...drowning me...making me give up my will to live. But that one small voice telling me to write it down became like a splash of cold water waking me to the reality of it all. I got help. It wouldn't be for another 5 years or so until I totally surrendered to Jesus. But God loves us all. He saw my pain and he reached down with a hand to pull me from the waters. Satan could not make me kill myself, but he could strongly suggest it. Thank God I made the right choice.

 I now know that we have an arsenal to use against the enemy. Ephesians 6:11-18 is one of my favorite verses. It tells us how to arm ourselves against the powers of darkness because we are going to get attacked. It is inevitable. When sin entered the world, it became a fact that we are going to have trials and sufferings in this life. But we can turn those trials and imagined defeats into powerful victories for Christ! But to block the enemy's attacks we need to prepare by staying tuned into God through praying, worship, praising, and most importantly reading and studying his Word. By doing these hings, not only do we arm ourselves against he enemy, but we also become ammunition to defeat the enemy. When the the enemy has us down, our inner flame can dim, never extinguishes, but it can diminish. Our zeal for the Lord may dampen. But when the Breath of God blows...like oxygen to fire...the flame explodes! The Word of God is the breath of God. Fan the flame. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings" (1 Peter 5:8).

I don't know if you can relate. Maybe you know someone who is struggling. All I know is that whether you are saved or whether you are still searching for answers..God knows. God hears you. God loves you. No matter your circumstance, no matter your level of faith, He is and always will be, there for you. Don't believe Satan's lies. Rebuke them in Jesus' name! Satan can make us feel like we are crazy, not worthy. No one is worthy of God's redemptive grace, but still he loves us and wants us to know him. "He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9b). When you feel unworthy, it is the enemy's attempt to diminish your flame..an attempt to diminish your effectiveness for the Kingdom of God. That alone should make you feel worthy! If you are a believer then you have been given power and authority over the enemy by Jesus Christ: "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you" (Luke 10:19). Those were Jesus' very words. If you believe in him, you should believe in his words. Hallelujah! The victory has already been won, you just need to live it!!

I'm going to leave you with some verses that speak to our current bouts of sufferings. Speak them aloud. Own them! God left them for you to use! He didn't give us the Bible for some light reading..it is a weapon to use against the powers of darkness. Arm yourselves. It's time to take back the power you were given. You are a son or daughter of the Most High. He's your Abba. And no one messes with his family! It's time for battle. I want to matter. If Jesus thought I was worthy enough to die for then I am going to fight my hardest to make a difference for his kingdom. Amen?

Loneliness:
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Worry:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Fear:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
But now, this is what the LORD says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:1-2)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

Stress and Anxiety:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

And some songs I like to sing when I'm feeling low...

Set Me Free by Casting Crowns

I Am Yours by Misty Edwards

Stand in the Rain by Superchick

Measuring Up

While on my family vacation this summer I had time to ponder some things. Me and my husband and two kids went on a bit of a road trip...9250 km or about 5748 miles round trip. We travelled through 3 provinces and 11 states. It was fun. We visited with family and worshipped with strangers. And what I have come to learn is we all have a story. And more importantly, I learned not to lean on other's understandings..I need to lean on God.

You see, I have a nasty habit of elevating others to a level of esteem that I believe is above me. I have had a "I'm not worthy" label attached to my forehead for most of my life, if not all of it. Not sure why it's there, or when it was placed, or by whom..but it's there and it's taken a while for me to realize it. But the ironic thing is, it most often becomes visible when I am around people who I feel are more spiritually "above" me.

We went to a youth conference on our sojourn. It was a 3 day conference with great well-known speakers, and worshipped with amazing bands and 15,000 people from around the country, and perhaps the world. At first I was just so overwhelmed with the magnitude of believers gathered in one place. And the worship! If you have read any of my other blogs you already know how much I love music..I love how it makes you feel and how one song can sum up exactly how you're feeling at any given moment. I don't think I could have raised my hands or voice higher during worship! It was what I can only hope heaven will be like! I could feel God moving..my focus was only for Him. And the speakers were great, I feel like they were genuinely after God's heart.

As the conference went on I had a feeling of being "left behind". How do I say this without sounding pessimistic or skeptical? I began to feel that the moving of the Holy Spirit was being overtaken by the power of the mob. Maybe it was just me and my family..but we all felt like people were feeding off of each other and not feeding off of the Holy Spirit. Now, I'm not saying that there weren't people who were genuinely in the Spirit. Absolutely. But I feel like a lot were trying to one-up the guy next to them. So as I'm feeling this heaviness in my heart, I begin to rebuke myself for not being "holy enough" to feel the Holy Spirit like everyone else is. And at that moment the thought comes to me to just fake it..scream like everyone else...holler louder than the guy in front of you..c'mon LauraLee...act the part if you can't be the part. At that moment I felt the wrongness of it all. I sat down. Amongst over 14000 people standing and shouting to the Lord. I sat down..and started praying. This shout to the Lord lasted 30 minutes. 30 minutes of an arena filled with 15000 people shouting, screaming to the Lord. It should have been a life-changing moment. I know many people felt that way..it's still talked about on you tube. Then why was my heart so heavy? My heart was so sad. At first I thought the enemy had hold of me..blocking my ability to feel what everyone else was. My "not worthy" label was shining bright. But as I prayed for understanding, the heaviness continued to weigh me down. God spoke to me then. "I want praise from your heart, not from your lips." Please understand, I'm not saying that everyone there was fake. I believe that the majority were really feeling the Holy Spirit. I think I could just sense how the mob mentality was outweighing the truth.

Now, again, this was a youth conference. The majority of the crowd were high school and college-aged people. So I know how they have no fear in showing their zeal for the Lord. I love it. Passionate for their God. We all can learn a thing or two about letting go of our inhibitions when worshipping from this age group. God bless them. I think that's what drew me to this conference, the idea of worshipping with believers of this age group...so much fun. So you can imagine how disappointed I was to have these feelings.

Another thing happened during the conference that made me really angry. Which is a shocker, because I don't get angry easily. Okay..I like to give. I truly believe that the money and possessions I have are God's and therefore, He has any right to ask me to give them to someone else. I also know that when I give when told to (by the Holy Spirit) I will be doubly blessed by Him. I have been led to give money when I'm already counting pennies to get the groceries. Because I know, He will aways provide. Always. And I have also been told by the Holy Spirit to not give, even as I am reaching for my wallet...that one was hard to do, but He is sovereign and He knows all..maybe it was somebody else's turn to get blessed by giving of themselves. Who knows? I try my best to listen and follow orders. So when the first request for an offering was announced I wasn't offended at all. But when the same request was asked 2 more times during the conference I was angry. The request came after the arena was in a frenzy from worshipping. It wasn't just a simple request..no, the guy stood on stage for like 15 minutes waving credit card slips. Everything stopped while ushers herded into the crowd handing out baskets and credit card slips. These are mostly kids people. They already paid $60 each for thier tickets, they are with their youth groups..just looking to connect with God. Come on guys. I was so angry and frustrated I actually growled outloud. When it happened the next day I couldn't even focus on God. We left early because I was so angry. Yes, I know that money is needed to help support events, but when the focus comes off God and is placed on getting money it angers me.

The point of this all is not just to rant. I promise. The point is that I realized that I was measuring my worth, my faith, against those at the conference. I allowed myself to believe that other people's experiences with God, other people's histories with God, were superior to my own. I was dusting off my "I'm not worthy " label again. Just because thousands of people were in the Spirit and I wasn't, doesn't mean that I'm any less important to God. I could have just 'went with it' and stood shouting with everyone else, but I would have been lying to myself and God..and I wouldn't have sat down and gotten the lesson on the importance of genuine worship to God. We often hear that we will sometimes have to stand alone amongst others for God..well, this was one of those moments..except I sat alone for God. And I also learned that I need to trust the voice inside me, I need to trust when I feel the Holy Spirit. When something doesn't feel right and I've prayed about it, I need to heed it's warning. Because God is speaking. We are coming to an age where there are many decievers out there. Those who will proclaim they know the truth, but instead they will lead many astray. We need to be vigilent about measuring their words and actions against God's Word. We need to be ready to stand alone at the cost of ridicule or those who would call us faithless. We need to put our trust and faith in the True King.

We all have stories. Thank you God! The rest of our road trip was blessed with meeting people with great stories. How they came to know God. What their lives were like growing up. I know before I would think that other people's stories were better than mine..more dramatic..more holy..deeper, more meaningful. I would measure myself against them. Why should I tell my story? It's not as exciting as others. What difference could it make? Now I know that we all have a story. And that each of our stories are sacred to God. It's like all our stories are a tapestry..or a big quilt..each square is a story of redemption and renewal. I love it. We need to own our stories and share them. We need to bless and encourage each other..that is what a testimony is all about. Sharing God's love and His providence with others. How He works each of our lives into a great love story, some of love lost and then found..of a strong relationship with God throughout life...of living in the pit, then being rescued..all are worthy. We may never know the effect our little story has on others. But God knows. So don't measure yourselves against others when it comes to faith, measure yourselves according to God's standards.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Who Do You Think You Are?

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

This song is supposed to be about a bad relationship where one person had escaped from a bad relationship. Makes sense. But I see something different. If one looks a little deeper you can see a different relationship...one where the pursuer is the enemy. Now before you say "Oh you biblethumper you.." look at the message.

I know I can't take one more step towards you, cause all that's waiting is regret

This rings true to what waits if we give in to sin, to our temptations. Regret. The enemy plays with us, he knows our weaknesses, our temptations. He tries to woo us with false hopes and dreams. He doesn't dangle despair and devastation in front us us. Who would fall for that? No, he woos us with wealth, fame, pleasure, notoriety. And if we aren't vigilant against his tricks we can easily fall right back into the pit we may have just come out of. He's like an abuser in a relationship. As in this song.

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore, you lost the love I loved the most

A ghost is insubstantial, a vapour of once was or could be. When the enemy has us under his spell we become insignificant against him. You see, if we resist the enemy and strive to do God's will, the enemy knows we can do damage against him. He doesn't want that, not one bit. He wants us to become a vapour of what we could have been if we had followed our true calling with God. I have no doubt that the enemy loved God when he was in heaven, like all angels doing God's will. But when he rebelled, he turned from God, choosing to follow his own lead..striving o be like God himself. He lost God, and I wonder if sometimes he is jealous that we have access to the Almighty like he never will.

I learned to live half a life and now you want me one more time

When we are thick in sin, we live only half lives. Think about it. Just like an addict knows only the call of their addiction, we too are controlled by our temptations, our sins. We never truly grasp the fullness of our calling. The sin anchors us. We are slaves to our sins. Sure we live..we breathe, we exist. According to the world's standards some even exist really well. What's wrong with wealth, fame, celebrity? That's the 'good life'...right? Ah, but that is the worst kind of captivity. Surrounded by the glamour, the ease of it all, one can drift so easily into the abyss..right where the enemy wants you. A person in that world begins to sacrifice God's calling for their own. Work more, earn more to attain more to enjoy more...more, more, more! The enemy has a great way of making you believe it will only be 'this one time'..whatever that thing may be, will turn into more and more. 'It's only a kiss' turns into a full blown affair and ends in divorce and devastation..which makes it that much easier to do again..just one more time.. 'I'll just try it once'..results in a full blown addiction..families torn apart, God's holy vessel trampled on..

Who do you think you are? Runnin' round leaving scars collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart. You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul

I get so angry at him, the enemy of us all. How dare he? Who DOES he think he is? The nerve! I think we become so complacent with it all. And that angers me too! Oh it's so sad, yet another divorce, yet another teen lost to drugs and pornography, yet another pregnant teen, yet another person so lost, so very lost..yet another..yet another...Ergh! Enough already! All he does is leave scars! But we think that 'it's just life'. Scars are bound to happen..no! We need to refuse that! That is a lie that has been uttered by the enemy himself. We shouldn't be complacent with divorce, with intercourse before marriage...with gossip, with anything that goes against God! God is love. Satan is tearing everything good apart...but the thing is ..we're letting him! We need to be conscious of our choices, we need to be aware that what we decide here, has spiritual consequences. It does matter! We need to change our perspectives and see that it isn't the people that are evil..look who's behind it! I get so angry when people get angry at God for things, when meanwhile they sit in gated communities..protected from the evil in society..when they are so caught up in Satan's web they call it home! They don't realize that everything that happens here has eternal consequences. Sure, they haven't murdered anyone, they pay their taxes..but they have been blinded to God's calling on their lives. They don't know him..they may know about him..but they don't know him. And another tally for Satan. Really? It makes me so angry!!

So don't come back for me..who do you think you are?

We have to stand strong and say no! You have no right to come back and toy with me!

I hear you're asking all around if I'm anywhere to be found, but I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms!

Satan is persistent, if anything. He doesn't give up after losing one battle. He lurks, waiting for his chance to get you when you're weak. That is why we need to be strong in God to defeat him.You need the armour of God! "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints (Ephesians 6:12-18). Love those verses! We need to be alert and stand firm! We need to wake up from the haze of this world and look deeper. See the world through God's eyes.

It took so long just to feel alright, remember how to put back the light in my eyes

When we have been in the pit, rolled around there for a while...it takes time to heal. We have to trust God to heal us...let him debride us of all the hurt and lies spoken over us. We need to allow God to speak love and light over us once again..no, we're not worthy, that is what grace is for. That is why Jesus died for us, so we can be reconciled to his Father. Thank you Jesus!

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed cause you broke all your promises

I know I have said that I wish I never even went there. Never even stepped foot in 'that place'. We all have that moment in time when we wish we could just go back in time and change it all. I'm sure everyone has. I bet you Eve had that thought..."If only I never bit that apple..." We are going to sin, we live in a world of sin. The important thing is that we try not to, we try to live in the expectations of what God would have us do..His will, not ours. Because the truth is..God's promises are sure!

And now you're back...you don't get to get me back!

Love it! The enemy and his gang will be back..guaranteed. But the fabulous thing is that once we are on to him and his ways..we can stand strong in God. God gives us the strength to face our enemy! Hallelujah! He cannot touch us! God's seal is on us! Oh, he can mess with us, but only if we let him. Be alert and stand firm! "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31b). We belong to God. We are holy vessels of the Most High. We are the apple of his eye. He loves us. "For I am convinced that neither death nor light, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39).

Maybe I looked too deep into the meaning of this song..but I'm thinking that's okay. That we need to look deeper. We need to wipe our eyes and clean our ears of the gunk of the enemy! Oh open our eyes Lord, allow us to see what you see and hear what you hear Lord! Wake us up to the workings of the enemy Lord, in our own lives as well as in the world Lord! Give us strength and courage Lord to face the darkness Lord. Be a lamp to our feet and light to our paths...for you are the living Word! Amen.

Another video I absolutely love called Destroy by Worth Dying For...We Stand!

Walking Through the Valley of Achor

So I have been procrastinating...digging my heels in. About what you ask? About this post. Don't wanna do it. Do I sound like a 2 year old? Can you picture me jumping up and down with my hands in tight fists?..yup...that's me. Why the drama you ask? Well, I shall tell you. You see, I love it when God speaks to me..gives me fresh revelation, new insights, and especially when I feel a Word that I am meant to say through writing. He loves us, and wants us to hear Him. Love it. But you see, usually the messages I impart to people are loving..touchy-feely. Sure, He rebukes, but always in love. When I write and feel His leading I feel the love He has for us, the message is nice to write..like giving good news...not bad.

Well kids, this time I actually gritted my teeth a little..this one's a little out of my comfort zone. You see, my flesh is getting in the way of this one. My mind keeps telling me not to write this because people won't like it. I feel scared that I will offend people and they will hate me for it. "Just be silent...no one needs to hear this one...in time it'll go away and be forgotten and people will know no difference, but you will still be good old LauraLee.."That is what my mind is telling me..my mind, or the enemy. You see I actually got this revelation about 5 days ago. And let me tell you, when I normally get a revelation I jump at the chance to write about it, to tell you all, because that is what I am called to do..not so this time. This time I paused..and pondered..and prayed..and procrastinated. And I got the sense that God is allowing me to feel Him and whether or not I speak it out is my choice..that if I don't speak..someone else will. "It's okay LauraLee..your choice." And when I felt Him say that, what can I do but say "Forgive me Lord for waiting so long!"

Okay. Out with it already you say! First, let me remind you of our Father's immense love for us. So much love that He continually forgives us for our sins..so many sins, sins that we don't even know we have committed. Okay, Father..I feel like I need to pray it out in writing so those who read this understand:

Father,
Let the words that flow out of me be from you Lord. Speak to our hearts Father, open our hearts to you. Let your words really sink into us Lord, let us absorb the meaning so we can obey your calling on us. Soften hardened hearts Lord. Break down walls Lord that we have constructed to protect us from pain, especially the walls that we have built so we don't feel you Lord. As I'm writing this I feel like someone reading this is mad at You, no..furious with You. This person has built a wall around his/her heart. Lord, sometimes a past hurt turns into a fierce unforgiveness. Lord, I pray for healing. I pray Lord that they really hear you, that it will resonate within us..the magnitude of your love for us. Oh, I pray Lord. Amen.

God is trying to get our attention. He is telling us to smarten up. How? Okay, this is where my teeth start clenching because I so know what the world would say..what excuses they will use..what words they will call people like me who speak the Truth. This is the passage I felt God was leading me to speak:
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and I will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the day of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt" (Hosea 2:14-15).

What's so bad about that you ask? Absolutely nothing. In this passage God is speaking about winning Israel back to Himself. Israel has been found unfaithful to God, but He still wants her to return to Him, because He loves her. All scripture is God-breathed. It is alive and speaks to those who seek the Truth. So even though the context is Israel way back in the day, God can still use it to speak to us now.

God is saying that He is going to wake us up, get our attention. He is jealous for us. He does not want to share us anymore with the world. He does not want to fight to have time with us. He desires His people. He wants them back. He wants them to seek His face. He wants to speak to them. He wants them to be His once again..totally. So He is going to take us to the desert, to a place where our focus will be on Him, were there are no distractions, where nothing remains but Him. In the desert..in the desert, He will speak tenderly to us. He will engage us. He will bless us there. His presence will be with us. The desert is a place where we are stripped of everything of the world. When in the desert we may first feel alone, deserted, angry at God, we may ask questions like "Why God? Why?" It is a place that is absent of comfort, trials are faced in the desert. We may ask why were we brought here..it was so much easier before. But then God says.."There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.." In the desert he will bless us, give us back our vineyards where we will produce fruit, abundant fruit. And the Valley of Achor will become a door of hope...Achor means trouble. So the Valley of trouble will become a sign of hope...The trouble we are going to walk through will bless us and become the very hope we have been seeking before we were created. Hope we didn't even know we needed. Hope that our souls seek with every shed tear, with every misfortune, with every travesty, with every fiber of our being! Praise you Father! Hallelujah! In the desert, through the valley of trouble we will sing, and praise our Father.."as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt". We will feel Him, like the Israelites saw the presence of God in the pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day..He will make Himself known. He will be known.

We have been rebellious. We tune our five senses to the world. We pray when we have time. We think about God on Sundays, if there's no football or other game on. We disregard His holy name by using it as a profanity. We laugh and mock those who sincerely seek God. We call them "simple, not intelligent." People choose to believe we originated from slime rather than from a loving, intelligent Creator. You are a myth to many, just one of many gods. Phrases like " the universe is sending you positive vibes your way", "whomever you hold as creator.." Children having children. Innocence stolen. Excuses. Entitlement. So lost, and we don't even know it. Free will..so many choices..not many choose the narrow path of Truth. Wow. Just reflect on that. What have we become? Yes, God is loving and forgiving, but I feel we are using that as an excuse to abuse our freedom in Christ. Because God is also God, Almighty, The Alpha and Omega, Most Holy, Creator of the Universe. We need to respect and acknowledge that. Why does He need to take us through the desert? Why not just speak to us? "While you were doing all these things, declares the LORD. I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called to you, but you did not answer" (Jer. 7:13). In the age of communication and technology, where there is barely a wakeful moment that doesn't consist of some form of distraction: iPhone, iPod, laptop, radio, TV,etc..can you understand that maybe God has been calling but you were too busy to notice? He's trying to wake us up.

The earth is groaning. Earthquakes, tsunamis, snow blizzards, drought, floods, volcanoes...God is speaking through creation. No, He does not seek death, He seeks His people to give them Life! He is going to shake the very foundation..that which is not built of a strong foundation will surely fall. Christ is our sure foundation. Though walls fall, cities crash, economies shake...Christ stands sure. Nothing can shatter him. He is our cornerstone (Psalm 18:22). We belong to a foundation that is ever secure. Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever (Psalm 125:1). Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let he righteous be shaken (Psalm 55:22). He is shaking that which can be shaken, that which is false, that which steals His attention. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Timothy 6: 9-10). Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment (1 Tim 6: 17). Praise you Father!

Repent. Turn from the ways of the world.

The world would tell you:
Fear not. Global warming. We will build bigger, better foundations. What kind of God would kill innocent people? Women and children? Buy more, stimulate the economy..our lives depend on stability. Why is everyone concerned about the weather..there have been earthquakes, hurricanes, etc in the past. Middle East disturbance..so what?There has been fighting there forever and always will be..no significance to me. Be happy. It's all about you. Watch this.Taste this. Feel this. Listen to this.Everything will be fine. This is all there is, so live now.

What God says:
For a time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths (2 Timothy 4 :3-4).

Stand at the crossroads and look, ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls (Jer. 6:16).

Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks with deceit. With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbor, but in his heart he sets a trap (Jer. 9:8).

Listen, I know what politically correct is, being socially sensitive. The truth is sometimes lies are being told in order to soften the blow. I am giving it to you how I received it. I am backing this with scripture. What good is being socially sensitive and politically correct if it leads you to falshood, lies and, without Christ..ultimately hell? Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows (Galatians 6:7). The world is selling a version of peace that is false. They keep saying to those who despise me, 'The LORD says: You will have peace.' And to all who follow the stubbornness of their hearts they say, 'No harm will come to you.' (Jeremiah 23:17). Sounds familiar...society tells you that there is no heaven and hell, no consequences for your actions. The world tells of coincidences, not a divine plan. God is saying He has a plan. There is a reason for every thing. When heartbreak happens, when our world falls apart, when the desert comes...there is a reason. It is not for vengeance or for wrath. It is for reconciliation. God wants us to return to Him. He is the lover of our souls. Stand firm in Him. He brings great hope in our trouble. He loves you and is calling you to you. Will you accept the call? Be amazed by Him. His power. His majesty.

Christ be Our Sure Foundation

Christ be our sure foundation.

Christ be our cornerstone.

Build up from every nation

a people of your own.

Blest through your font of mercy,

blest be each living stone

of faith alive in witness

Fair Christ, by all be known.

The art of Christian living

adorns each day like dawn,

the work of Christ the Master

through people weak and strong.

Those hurt hands fashion wonders

with thorns, wood, nails and sin

till we shine like church windows,

bright Light of Christ within.

Beyond the words of sages,

more sure than scholars' claims,

You are the one who answers

and knows us by our names.

You know how we are tempted

to doubt and lose our way.

Be first in all our thinking

and last at end of day.

O Jesus, ever near us,

uplifting us through fears,

your tender mercies give us

the strength to stand through tears.

Your pow'rful arms embrace us

when we are at our end.

Christ, carry us to safety

with you all time to spend.

(Oremus Hymnal)

He Speaks

I am doing a bible study by Priscilla Shirer called "He Speaks to Me". And He is. I have been absent from my blogging for a bit. I had a revelation that I was starting to blog through compulsion, and not from a leading of the Holy Spirit. The whole reason I began to blog was to commune with God..hear from Him, write what I felt He wanted me to write. But I began to write what I wanted to write out of compulsion. Instead of waiting on the Lord, and waiting for Him to lead me, I began to feel the need to write to fill the silence. I still wrote what I thought he would have me say about a topic, but it was from me, not Him. So I took some time to reflect and draw near to Him. I don't want to write to please others, I only want to please Him. I surrendered to the thought that perhaps I wouldn't write a blog anymore even though I love it. I love hearing from Him in this way. I had to give in to the idea that my desire to please Him should outweigh my desire to even please myself. I found out that God doesn't just speak to me through blogging, but that if I really listen He speaks to me in many different ways.

The one thing I recently discovered is that God has been speaking to me my whole life, He set me apart for Him. He sets all of us apart who are believers. One thing He has been speaking to me about is how we tend to put Him in a box..we set boundaries on Him..how He should act, How He speaks to us, how He moves. I just finished reading a book by James Goll called "The Seer: The Prophetic Power of Visions, Dreams and Open Heavens" and all I can say is "Yes!". I was drawn to the book while perusing our local Christian bookstore. And as I started reading it I realized that it wasn't a coincidence that I found it. I had been seriously contemplating how God speaks to me, to all of us. We tend to put God into a cookie-cutter image of  what is acceptable ways to hear from Him, and any other ways that deviate from the standards are not from Him. Who are we kidding? This is God we are talking about. The Alpha and the Omega. The First and the Last. The Creator of all things. There is no thing, no one thing, that is separate or apart from God's ability to touch. He can do anything, move any way...there is no boundary. So what makes us believe that He can only speak to us in certain ways? He can speak through us using our feelings..ever have an overwhelming urge to laugh..to cry? I know I often tear up in church during a service. That is the Holy Spirit kids..moving. He uses our "intuition"...secular way of saying "the urging of the Holy Spirit". Whatever label the world comes up with, it is still God..moving..speaking. Some people actually audibly hear God speak to them. Are they strange? To the world..maybe. God also uses dreams to speak and to guide. Many times in the bible God speaks through dreams...Jacob in Genesis 28:12-15, 31:11; Joseph in Genesis 37:5-7,9; 40:20;41:1; 41:8; Gideon in Judges 7:14-15; Solomon in 1 Kings 3:5-15; Nathan in 1 Chronicles 17:2; Daniel is full of dreams and visions imparted by God; Zechariah 1:8..the list goes on and on. I love Job 33:14-18, "For God does speak--now one way, now another--though man may not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men as they slumber in their beds, he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings, to turn man from wrongdoing and keep him from pride, to preserve his soul from the pit, his life from perishing by the sword..." He speaks through music, words, visions. Yes, even today. Why do we respond with doubt? When someone has a vision, a dream, a word from God..why are we so skeptic? Of course, we should always test it with the scriptures. If it contradicts God's word it isn't from God. But if it gives glory to God, rings true to how God works and tests true to His character, if it encourages and uplifts, even at times rebukes..it is from God.

I believe we are in the last days and God is choosing to speak to us more than ever through dreams and visions. As it says in Joel 2:28 " And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions." Why are we insistent on denying God and His word for us? I believe we are so scared of the enemy that we construct these walls to keep him out, which also blocks the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We need to be smart about this. We need to seek God first, ask for knowledge and wisdom in these matters. If you have a dream that you believe is from God..ask Him. "God is this dream from you?" "What are you trying to say? What does it mean?" "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding" (Proverbs 9:10). By looking into His word we gain understanding of who He is and thereby gain understanding and insight into His will.

Lately, not only have I recognized Him speaking to me through dreams, but also through memories...painful memories that I consistently try to ignore, deny or bury. I have been getting bombarded with memories from my past which I am not proud of. Back in my bar days. I cringe thinking of those days. I keep getting playbacks of me drunk, partying..thinking I was "all that"...flirting with guys and disaster...so very close to disaster. Of life back then..and life now. Thank you Precious Jesus! Every time I get these playbacks I cringe..I pray to Jesus thanking Him for saving me from my sins and bringing me so far from that pit...and I ask Him to take these thoughts from my mind. Oh, and the enemy is having a hay day with all these past sins...he is busy accusing, pointing his finger at me, calling me shameful, lustful, filthy. He's telling me to hang my head in shame. Oh, but God is good. So good. You see, He loved me while I was still a sinner. And the enemy has no power over me any longer because Jesus died for me and stole the enemy's power to accuse (Rev. 12:10). Jesus is my intercessor in God's court. I've been ransomed and found clean! Praise you Father! So I thought that these memories were the enemy's doing to try to make me feel less in God's eyes...and maybe they were. But they also reminded me how far God has brought me. They reminded me of God's faithfulness. Of His protection. How He protected me even when I didn't know I needed protection. Thank you Father! It reminded me that I shouldn't doubt God. That I shouldn't fear. That He has been in my corner all along. That He doesn't move because I request it of Him, the truth is, He's already been there. That before I know the risk, the fear, He has it in His hands. He's taken care of it. That no power of the enemy can withstand Him. All belongs to Him and He reigns! Hallelujah! I needn't fear...anything. He holds me dear...haha..I thought that was a spelling mistake..I was trying to write that He holds me near. Wow. God speaks even through what we think are mistakes. Thank you Father!

Proud to be a Prude

So...society, this culture I live in has been bothering me lately. It's getting under my skin. It's grating at me. I feel the indoctrination of this society so much the last little bit. Or maybe my eyes have been opened more. It's nothing new that society is all about pleasuring oneself. Almost every commercial you watch, TV shows, movies, billboard ads, radio stations, even the news relates to some superficial aspect of society. Who's sleeping with who, teens having babies, what is the new look, who's in and who's out, what you should be like in order to be 'cool'. We are swamped daily with so much information, especially with the Internet, how does a person not let it drag you under?

I remember when I partook gladly in everything the world offered. I never thought anything about the lyrics in the songs I listened to, even playing them loudly with my young daughters. Songs with messages about one night stands, shaking your booty, living loudly because that's all life is about..having fun while you were here..no consequences. Songs about cheating on your spouse, songs about getting drunk....all soaked in by my little girls. Thank you Jesus for your saving grace! I remember not allowing Eminem to be played while the girls were home because he swore in his songs. Huh, little did I know that the messages I was already sending to my girls were just as damaging. Clueless. Or blind. It's amazing how God can wipe the slate clean and restore purity. Now, I'm not saying I'm pure or sinless, because I need Jesus' grace daily..hourly. But that is the point. We can't do it on our own kids. We need Jesus.

Now, because I listen to my local Christian radio station, and 99% of the songs I listen to are Christian I literally cringe when I hear a new secular song. Wow. I tend to shake my head in unbelief at some of the lyrics I hear. Thank God, my girls like contemporary Christian music, and if not Christian music, then the songs are country or Indie music like Ingrid Michaelson. But my husband does like all types of music. And some songs...*cringe. Yes, there are some beautiful songs that are not "Christian"...God gives gifts indiscriminately. His idea is for us all to use our gifts, whatever that may be, for His glory, not our own. For example, I love the instrumental guitar in the song 'Welcome Home' by Coheed and Cambria, and thankfully, because it is a hard rock band, I can't understand what they are saying so I just listen to the instrumental parts..lol..no, don't send me the lyrics..I don't want to know ;). But some songs are just blatantly wrong. I can't help but wonder what they could have accomplished if they used their voices for God. It's sad. Because instead of turning young people towards God and truth, they are turning them into self-conscious people who believe they need to fit into society (which means to have sex, be sexy, be skinny, be rebellious) in order to matter. They are lost in the darkness of it all. And while you are in the darkness you don't think anything is wrong..you think people like me are prudes. I was called a prude once to my face, maybe many times behind my back..lol..who knows? But I looked the word prude up in the dictionary and this is what it says: a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc; worthy or respectable woman; good, virtuous. I'm cool with that.

The closer I have gotten in my relationship with Jesus, the more I see the world through His eyes. Daniel 5 just came to my mind. It's the chapter of the handwriting on the wall. King Belshazzar of Babylon was having a party, him and his guests were drinking out of the Temple cups (which were taken from the Temple in Jerusalem) and toasting to their own gods. Not a good idea. So a hand appeared before them all and wrote : Mene, mene, tekel, parsin. Which Daniel interpreted as meaning: Mene: God has numbered the days of your reign and brought it to an end. Tekel: You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting. Parsin: Your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and Persians (Daniel 5:26-28). I feel God is weighing the value of our society and has found it wanting, lacking. There will be a day of reckoning for it all. When we all stand before Him and He asked us what we have done on this earth to promote God's glory, what we have done with the gifts he has given us... what will we say? That we made a lot of money, that we were held in high esteem by society...so sad.

Ephesians 5:8-20 sums it up best:
For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I still get chills when I am thinking about something and then a verse appears that validates exactly what I was thinking. Thank you Jesus! Praise you Father! Being a prude doesn't mean you don't know how to laugh, love, live. It means you do it wisely. So the next time someone calls you a prude...smile and say thanks.