Great Expectations

I had another epiphany, or an 'ah-ha' moment again. I was thinking in bed last night about our up-coming trip (only 8 days left, really only 7 since today is nearly done, or might be by the time I finish writing). I was thinking about where I started on this journey and where God has lead me. Tamara (mission leader) had asked me earlier on what my expectations were for this trip. I boldly stated that I wanted to see God move in a supernatural, powerful way that there would be no doubt that it was God in action. Yup, I go right for the good stuff. No messing around, I want meat and potatoes. From the beginning I have felt that God is calling us for something great. There has been an anticipation in my soul...like it knows too and can't wait to feel the Master. I have chills right now...for what I don't know, but I'll take it! Ah, use me Lord for your will, let it be done Jesus!

But as I was pondering, God began to reveal another truth to me. I realized my expectations have already been met. I have felt God more strongly than I ever had. He has spoken to me, and I swear it felt at times He was holding me...in His arms like a father would rock his baby to sleep. He has moved in a powerful way that I have no doubt it was Him. I feel like God is saying...okay, and next expectation? I thought my expectation was really bold too. Now I'm thinking really? Really LauraLee? You ask that of a God who can move mountains? Who created the universe? Nothing is too bold or too big for Him. He really does delight in us! I have heard it before...but I really get it now. He loves us. No hear me..He LOVES us. He loves you. He adores you. There is no greater love. He died for you. Yup, you reading this. He wants you to know that and He wants you to know that nothing...NOTHING...is too big for Him. He is waiting for you to ask it of Him. Have you done it? Have you sincerely asked with full expectation of the outcome?

I admit praying with full expectation is a tough one for me too. I have prayed with expectation that God could do this, if He wants, but if He doesn't that's okay. You know? Like : "Lord please heal _____ , but let your will be done regardless of the outcome..." I didn't pray with the full expectation that so-and-so would be healed. Was there doubt? Sadly, maybe. Unbelief? So harsh to write, but yes, that would be unbelief. In Mark 9:22-24 a man (a father) comes to Jesus to ask for his son to be healed from a demon..."...But if You can do anything have compassion on us and help us." (23) Then Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' Everything is possible to the one who believes." (24) Immediately the father of the boy cried out, "I do believe! Help my unbelief." We need to cry out to God and ask Him to help our unbelief! I am snickering a little picturing this scenario. Not the fact that a father is desperate to help his demon-possessed child, but Jesus' reaction. " 'If You can?' ". I picture him looking at the father like "Really?...Really? After all I have said and done and still you think this one might stump me? Really?" I love it. So very patient. Do you think He ever got headaches during His ministry? You know those days where you just rub your forehead because it's been 'one of those days'?

I guess my whole point is that you don't need to wait for something extraordinary in your life before God will manifest Himself. You don't need to go on a mission trip to the other side of the world to find God present. You often hear of outstanding stories of supernatural works of God on mission trips. Is it because God is more present there...or are you really looking and expecting God to be there? Hmmm... Include Him in your life here and now. Expect Him to show Himself. He will if you are willing. Be open to the power of the Father. Praise you Father! I feel Him, do you feel Him? He's here and He's right beside you urging you to accept the invitation to participate with Him on an incredible journey. Include Him in your life.

Before I close, I want to say that if you are ever feeling dry, maybe feeling like the colour has drained a bit out of life. Go for a walk or a drive, put on some worship music, look at the clouds. Really look at them. The different colours, the depth of them, the texture of them. Jesus will be coming down from them one day. I often wonder what the clouds will look like that day. Will they be fluffy? Dark and foreboding?

 Next, look at the trees. Do you notice how their branches are raised and open to the sky like they are in constant worship and praise? Watch a sunset. Notice how the trees face it? How the clouds dance with different colours? Creation shouts with praise! He's waiting for you to notice Him. It's time to turn and look.

Giving new meaning to "Sneaky Little Devil"

I just finished another night of bible study. Boy, do I love those girls! I am so blessed to have them in my life. I have never come away from a night of bible study without thinking that God was in on it. Even if we don't talk about the set study, but like tonight, we talked about our lives and what's going on in them. Random? Oh, I don't think so. God doesn't do random. Every conversation is filled with meaning, nothing is too "ordinary" or "mundane". Life is in the ordinary. That is where we reside. And that is where God shows himself. He doesn't just appear in super extraordinary events. I think He loves it when we realize He's in the "mundane" events in our lives. He's with you when you're having a "mom melt-down". He's with you when your baby's sick. He's with you at every stage in your life. We only need to open up our eyes.

When we are going through the ordinary we must be aware that the choices we make in those times effect our future just as much, or even more so, than those events we know to be instrumental. I'm talking about letting the enemy get to you. Whether it be letting him bring down your mood on those days where it feels like a grey cloud is over your head, or whether it be listening to the lies that is spewed out of his mouth. Oh, and he's clever. He doesn't say anything that will get your guard up, you think it's your own thoughts. He knows where to strike, he knows your weak spots, where you're most vulnerable. He got to me recently and I told the girls about it tonight, and I thought I would tell you too.

As I have said previously, this has been the year that I confront my fear. The fear I have nurtured and fed all my life. I can only serve one master-I choose Jesus. I realized that I cannot serve Jesus to the extent he wants me to if I am chained with fear.

Sure, at first the battle seemed easily won. I faced fear in Disneyworld when I rode the 'scary' rides. It was hard, it took a lot of prayer and encouragement from my family but I did it- screaming-or rather grunting all the way. But afterward I felt really good, almost proud of myself. I made memories with my family that I otherwise wouldn't have had. Now although I felt great about facing my fear after I was off the rides, I was still terrified before and during the ride.

Now, I am almost sure that the rides themselves don't bring glory to God-but that perhaps me conquering my fear of them does bring God some glory. Some may shake their heads and disagree that conquering my fear of heights, speed, and lack of control is inconsequential to God. That God demands a person to risk more of themselves in order to please Him, but I don't think so.

Africa. I have really been 'put through the ringer' by the enemy on this. When I heard the call, the urge from God to go-I reacted, I signed up. It all seemed so easy to do-without much thought really. We had the money and the time, God called-yup. Check. All is good-lets go!

At first I was a little unsettled that there were only going to be 3 of us, but the excitement of the trip masked my fear. When I started to focus more on the number of us going I began to doubt. Doubt that maybe we weren't meant to go-I mean, really? Really Lord-us three? I mean Stephen and I are kind of new to this whole obeying God thing-I don't doubt Tamara's ability, after all she has been on mission trips before. I think I almost felt sorry for her to have us! Stephen and I grew up with Tamara in Wembley, but our lives took separate paths-only to be brought back together now. Coincidence? Hardly. But I was starting to think that maybe God had called the wrong people for this trip. Or maybe I misread the calling. Maybe it was my flesh that wanted to go on this mission and not God. Do you see the train of thoughts that the enemy has me chasing? Instead of this trip being part of God's plan, the enemy has me thinking it was all part of my selfish ambition, God did not want me to go and therefore He won't be with me or us on this trip. No! I rebuke you Satan! I will not receive these lies into my heart! My God loves me. My God will not forsake me whether I am at peace or whether I am in the depths of despair. My God is with me ALWAYS!

Thank you Father! Thank you for your faithfulness when I have so little.

This has been the biggest battle (that I am aware of) that I have faced in regards to the spiritual realm. Satan has been relentless in trying to bring every fear possible to the surface because he knows that fear is my weakness. I am going to write out his attacks that he whispers to me so I can rebuke them:

You are being selfish leaving your kids-what if you die?

You're not supposed to go.

It's your pride that volunteered for this, not a calling from God.

God is not with you.

Only 3 of you? Ha! What good will you do with only 3 of you?

Who do you think you are?

The bugs, spiders, snakes, and scorpions will get you!

You are not holy enough to go.

There is an order to these things, you are not in order!

No one wants you there.

What? You think you are holy now? Ha! I know your secrets!

What a waste to send you!

There are terrorists in Egypt, they will kill you!

The plane will crash and you will die!

In Jesus's name I rebuke you Satan! I rebuke every lie that you utter! I do not receive the thoughts you whisper to me! I ask Jesus to speak truth over me. Jesus, allow me to recognize Satan's attacks so that I may rebuke him. He has no power over me!

TRUTH

I am supposed to go.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jer.29:11)

I am a daughter of the Most High.

Who is holy enough? We all fall short of the righteousness of God.

God called me.

I am being a faithful servant of Christ, it is my hope that my daughters do the same.

God is ALWAYS with me.

I may not know what we are going to do-but God knows.

If God chooses this time to take me home I will be with Him in a blink of an eye.

David defeated Goliath, not the army--but ONE boy!

I am not a waste of time-God is the ultimate recycler-He has made new what was once old in order to bring glory to Him

There is no hierarchy of obedience!

Bugs, spiders, snakes, and scorpions are all God's creation--they are not evil. I will not fear them.

God is so good! All this time I have been trying to fight these fears in the flesh--by doing: reading about conquering fear and strongholds, doing things that I am normally scared of. I was trying to control the thoughts of the enemy. I was trying to logically debate the questions in my mind. I was trying to prepare for the worst--researching scorpions and snakes to learn what to do in case of a bite or sting; getting a will; researching terrorism in Egypt--just a little nighttime reading! I was trying to defeat the fear but I was feeding it all along...playing right into the enemy's hands.Clever. I kept asking myself the same question--I know God doesn't want me to be in fear but HOW do I go about that? It finally broke me. And I asked God through the tears. And he answered me.

LauraLee trust me.

How do I do that?

Let go.

(crying)

You can't control everything. But I can. I AM.

(crying)

I will never forsake you. Never. EVER.

I don't know if I can be fearless.

You don't have to be. I AM. I will carry you.

Praise you Father!

This all happened a couple of weeks ago. I was reading Daniel 3 for my bible study and in the workbook the topic of martyrdom kept coming up. It spoke about John Hus, Hugh Latimer and Nicholas Ridley being burnt for their faith. Daniel chapter 3 speaks about Meshach, Abednego, and Shadrach in the fire. And I kept thinking: were they scared? How did they face death so bravely? Now I know they didn't do it of their own control, they gave it up and God took over. Through God's grace.

Lord, help me to remember this truth.

We have a wild ride ahead of us Lord. But like Meshach, Abednego and Shadrach...there will be a 4th person on this trip...Jesus.