Silencing the Accuser

Something's in the air lately. Depression. Anxiety. Exhaustion. Stress. Worry. Hopelessness. Fear. People are thirsty and hungry for more, but they refuse to see the truth of what it is that they're missing. The enemy and his league are working overtime because they know they're time grows short. They don't know when, but they can feel the shifting, the stirring of things to come. They blind people to the truth...they cover the people's eyes so they don't see, they cover the people's ears so they don't hear. They numb them. They whisper lies and oppress. They encourage gossip, slander, immorality, self-centeredness...the "it's all about me" and the "because I deserve it" mentality. And those who yearn for God feel unworthy to be saved, unworthy to be called a child of God. They begin to question the legitimacy of their salvation. It makes me so angry! There is a cloud of oppression surrounding the land trying to block out the brilliance of God's love and forgiveness. Because the more people they can fool into believing that God doesn't exist, the more people they can smother with lies so they feel unworthy... the greater their victory. They know they don't have much time.

I think of the people in my life. Family. Friends. Co-workers. I see pain. I see heaviness of spirit. And it breaks my heart. Some know God as their Saviour. Some don't. God loves them all the same. I feel such a burden for them. I want to rip open my chest and expose my heart to them. I want to show them how Great God is...he took my decaying life, my decaying heart and transformed it into a heart overflowing in His love. It brings tears to my eyes even now, hopefully it always will. His love trumps all. His love washes away doubt, anger, fear, depression, oppression...unworthiness. "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink" (John 7:37b). Thank you Jesus.

I was watching Beth Moore the other day and she said something that struck me. She was speaking about how when we accept Jesus as our Saviour, the Holy Spirit comes and dwells in us. The Holy Spirit is often thought of as a fire, as in the book of Acts when the Holy Spirit came down and filled everyone: "They saw what appeared to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them" (Acts 2:3). When we are first called and surrender to Jesus we are imparted with a gift of God..the flame of the Holy Spirit. Makes sense. I know when I truly 'got it'...when I really understood what it meant to give my life to Jesus I was ON FIRE! Amen? I had a burning inside that had me on a high. I wanted to tell everyone about Him. I had a Father in Heaven who loved me! Me. Little old sinful me. Praise you Father! I read my bible, I joined every kind of  bible study at the church. I shouted praise songs in the car. But then life sneaks in. At first you don't notice...I mean, you still love God...but work calls. Things happen. Maybe a sickness, maybe a death...perhaps it's only everyday worries...the rent's due, the water heater broke...where am I supposed to get the money to pay for that? You start to realize that it's hard living in this world. Maybe memories of past abuses, past toxic relationships start to infringe upon your thoughts. "I thought this Christian life would be a lot easier". "Where's God in all this?" Oh He's there. The truth is that becoming a Christian is easy...walking the life as a disciple of Jesus--way more difficult.

You see, when someone gives their life to Christ, what we experience in the natural pales in comparison to what happens in the supernatural. The very moment we surrender we are marked for God. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us and put his spirit in our hearts as a deposit guaranteeing what is to come" (2 Cor 1:21-22); " And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession--to the praise of his glory. (Eph 1:13-14); "The Lord knows who are his" (2 Tim 2:19). Now, I don't know who this seal is visible to...can only God and his angels see it or can the powers of darkness also see it? I don't have a definite answer to that but what I do know is that our actions are apparent to Satan and his cronies. And they really don't appreciate it when we score points for the good guys. When we tell our testimony, when we tell someone about Jesus and his saving grace and love, when we move in the spirit and become warriors of God...it gets noticed. When you become a person who is making a difference in the lives of people by showing Jesus in you, when you excel in your gifts from God, when you show the world what God has done in and through your life...you might become a target for the enemy's arrows. Because he knows that he needs to silence you. He does that by preying on your weaknesses, trying to tempt you. Or maybe he will see how far your faith will hold you. Remember a guy name Job? Will it take a death? Bankruptcy? Sickness? Is your faith superficial? Is it dependent upon your pastor, your youth leader? What about lust? Or love? What will make you bend too far..just enough to break you? Then that is what he will focus on. Does this scare you? It shouldn't. You should feel empowered. You should feel emboldened! You matter! YOU MATTER! I love it! Because nothing, nothing at all can separate you from Christ! Nothing! "...neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Rom 8:38-39)Ahh..except one thing..ourselves.

Satan can't make us do anything. He can tempt us. He can whisper suggestions. But we are the ones who choose to listen or not. How often do you need to hear the whispers before they become your reality? Maybe you've heard them before: "You're not worthy", "Nobody cares", "You don't matter", "What good are you?". I have had my fair share of attacks. You see the enemy is smart...he whispers lies to you for you to believe, but at the same time he makes you think you don't need help, or better yet...you're not sick enough to deserve help..you're issues are insignificant. At the time I was a young mother with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I had been married for about 6 years to a wonderful guy. We had a nice house, great family and friends...I'm sure it seemed perfect from the outside, but inside I was drowning. I would have good days, then I would deny how depressed I had been during the dark days...but then I would sink again. So finally, one day I had a thought to write down everything I was thinking. And I tell you now that I truly believe that was God speaking to me even though at the time I never knew him. My letter shocked me. I wrote to no one in particular, just emptied myself. I wrote that I was a horrible mother...always yelling...the girls would be better without such a mom; I said I was a sad excuse for a wife...never wanting to be held, always sad...he deserved better; I was a failure a being a good friend...never wanting to go out and visit...they deserved better. What am I doing here? They all are better off without me. Yup. I was in the depths. Satan was holding my face under...drowning me...making me give up my will to live. But that one small voice telling me to write it down became like a splash of cold water waking me to the reality of it all. I got help. It wouldn't be for another 5 years or so until I totally surrendered to Jesus. But God loves us all. He saw my pain and he reached down with a hand to pull me from the waters. Satan could not make me kill myself, but he could strongly suggest it. Thank God I made the right choice.

 I now know that we have an arsenal to use against the enemy. Ephesians 6:11-18 is one of my favorite verses. It tells us how to arm ourselves against the powers of darkness because we are going to get attacked. It is inevitable. When sin entered the world, it became a fact that we are going to have trials and sufferings in this life. But we can turn those trials and imagined defeats into powerful victories for Christ! But to block the enemy's attacks we need to prepare by staying tuned into God through praying, worship, praising, and most importantly reading and studying his Word. By doing these hings, not only do we arm ourselves against he enemy, but we also become ammunition to defeat the enemy. When the the enemy has us down, our inner flame can dim, never extinguishes, but it can diminish. Our zeal for the Lord may dampen. But when the Breath of God blows...like oxygen to fire...the flame explodes! The Word of God is the breath of God. Fan the flame. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings" (1 Peter 5:8).

I don't know if you can relate. Maybe you know someone who is struggling. All I know is that whether you are saved or whether you are still searching for answers..God knows. God hears you. God loves you. No matter your circumstance, no matter your level of faith, He is and always will be, there for you. Don't believe Satan's lies. Rebuke them in Jesus' name! Satan can make us feel like we are crazy, not worthy. No one is worthy of God's redemptive grace, but still he loves us and wants us to know him. "He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9b). When you feel unworthy, it is the enemy's attempt to diminish your flame..an attempt to diminish your effectiveness for the Kingdom of God. That alone should make you feel worthy! If you are a believer then you have been given power and authority over the enemy by Jesus Christ: "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you" (Luke 10:19). Those were Jesus' very words. If you believe in him, you should believe in his words. Hallelujah! The victory has already been won, you just need to live it!!

I'm going to leave you with some verses that speak to our current bouts of sufferings. Speak them aloud. Own them! God left them for you to use! He didn't give us the Bible for some light reading..it is a weapon to use against the powers of darkness. Arm yourselves. It's time to take back the power you were given. You are a son or daughter of the Most High. He's your Abba. And no one messes with his family! It's time for battle. I want to matter. If Jesus thought I was worthy enough to die for then I am going to fight my hardest to make a difference for his kingdom. Amen?

Loneliness:
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Worry:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Fear:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
But now, this is what the LORD says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:1-2)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

Stress and Anxiety:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

And some songs I like to sing when I'm feeling low...

Set Me Free by Casting Crowns

I Am Yours by Misty Edwards

Stand in the Rain by Superchick

Measuring Up

While on my family vacation this summer I had time to ponder some things. Me and my husband and two kids went on a bit of a road trip...9250 km or about 5748 miles round trip. We travelled through 3 provinces and 11 states. It was fun. We visited with family and worshipped with strangers. And what I have come to learn is we all have a story. And more importantly, I learned not to lean on other's understandings..I need to lean on God.

You see, I have a nasty habit of elevating others to a level of esteem that I believe is above me. I have had a "I'm not worthy" label attached to my forehead for most of my life, if not all of it. Not sure why it's there, or when it was placed, or by whom..but it's there and it's taken a while for me to realize it. But the ironic thing is, it most often becomes visible when I am around people who I feel are more spiritually "above" me.

We went to a youth conference on our sojourn. It was a 3 day conference with great well-known speakers, and worshipped with amazing bands and 15,000 people from around the country, and perhaps the world. At first I was just so overwhelmed with the magnitude of believers gathered in one place. And the worship! If you have read any of my other blogs you already know how much I love music..I love how it makes you feel and how one song can sum up exactly how you're feeling at any given moment. I don't think I could have raised my hands or voice higher during worship! It was what I can only hope heaven will be like! I could feel God moving..my focus was only for Him. And the speakers were great, I feel like they were genuinely after God's heart.

As the conference went on I had a feeling of being "left behind". How do I say this without sounding pessimistic or skeptical? I began to feel that the moving of the Holy Spirit was being overtaken by the power of the mob. Maybe it was just me and my family..but we all felt like people were feeding off of each other and not feeding off of the Holy Spirit. Now, I'm not saying that there weren't people who were genuinely in the Spirit. Absolutely. But I feel like a lot were trying to one-up the guy next to them. So as I'm feeling this heaviness in my heart, I begin to rebuke myself for not being "holy enough" to feel the Holy Spirit like everyone else is. And at that moment the thought comes to me to just fake it..scream like everyone else...holler louder than the guy in front of you..c'mon LauraLee...act the part if you can't be the part. At that moment I felt the wrongness of it all. I sat down. Amongst over 14000 people standing and shouting to the Lord. I sat down..and started praying. This shout to the Lord lasted 30 minutes. 30 minutes of an arena filled with 15000 people shouting, screaming to the Lord. It should have been a life-changing moment. I know many people felt that way..it's still talked about on you tube. Then why was my heart so heavy? My heart was so sad. At first I thought the enemy had hold of me..blocking my ability to feel what everyone else was. My "not worthy" label was shining bright. But as I prayed for understanding, the heaviness continued to weigh me down. God spoke to me then. "I want praise from your heart, not from your lips." Please understand, I'm not saying that everyone there was fake. I believe that the majority were really feeling the Holy Spirit. I think I could just sense how the mob mentality was outweighing the truth.

Now, again, this was a youth conference. The majority of the crowd were high school and college-aged people. So I know how they have no fear in showing their zeal for the Lord. I love it. Passionate for their God. We all can learn a thing or two about letting go of our inhibitions when worshipping from this age group. God bless them. I think that's what drew me to this conference, the idea of worshipping with believers of this age group...so much fun. So you can imagine how disappointed I was to have these feelings.

Another thing happened during the conference that made me really angry. Which is a shocker, because I don't get angry easily. Okay..I like to give. I truly believe that the money and possessions I have are God's and therefore, He has any right to ask me to give them to someone else. I also know that when I give when told to (by the Holy Spirit) I will be doubly blessed by Him. I have been led to give money when I'm already counting pennies to get the groceries. Because I know, He will aways provide. Always. And I have also been told by the Holy Spirit to not give, even as I am reaching for my wallet...that one was hard to do, but He is sovereign and He knows all..maybe it was somebody else's turn to get blessed by giving of themselves. Who knows? I try my best to listen and follow orders. So when the first request for an offering was announced I wasn't offended at all. But when the same request was asked 2 more times during the conference I was angry. The request came after the arena was in a frenzy from worshipping. It wasn't just a simple request..no, the guy stood on stage for like 15 minutes waving credit card slips. Everything stopped while ushers herded into the crowd handing out baskets and credit card slips. These are mostly kids people. They already paid $60 each for thier tickets, they are with their youth groups..just looking to connect with God. Come on guys. I was so angry and frustrated I actually growled outloud. When it happened the next day I couldn't even focus on God. We left early because I was so angry. Yes, I know that money is needed to help support events, but when the focus comes off God and is placed on getting money it angers me.

The point of this all is not just to rant. I promise. The point is that I realized that I was measuring my worth, my faith, against those at the conference. I allowed myself to believe that other people's experiences with God, other people's histories with God, were superior to my own. I was dusting off my "I'm not worthy " label again. Just because thousands of people were in the Spirit and I wasn't, doesn't mean that I'm any less important to God. I could have just 'went with it' and stood shouting with everyone else, but I would have been lying to myself and God..and I wouldn't have sat down and gotten the lesson on the importance of genuine worship to God. We often hear that we will sometimes have to stand alone amongst others for God..well, this was one of those moments..except I sat alone for God. And I also learned that I need to trust the voice inside me, I need to trust when I feel the Holy Spirit. When something doesn't feel right and I've prayed about it, I need to heed it's warning. Because God is speaking. We are coming to an age where there are many decievers out there. Those who will proclaim they know the truth, but instead they will lead many astray. We need to be vigilent about measuring their words and actions against God's Word. We need to be ready to stand alone at the cost of ridicule or those who would call us faithless. We need to put our trust and faith in the True King.

We all have stories. Thank you God! The rest of our road trip was blessed with meeting people with great stories. How they came to know God. What their lives were like growing up. I know before I would think that other people's stories were better than mine..more dramatic..more holy..deeper, more meaningful. I would measure myself against them. Why should I tell my story? It's not as exciting as others. What difference could it make? Now I know that we all have a story. And that each of our stories are sacred to God. It's like all our stories are a tapestry..or a big quilt..each square is a story of redemption and renewal. I love it. We need to own our stories and share them. We need to bless and encourage each other..that is what a testimony is all about. Sharing God's love and His providence with others. How He works each of our lives into a great love story, some of love lost and then found..of a strong relationship with God throughout life...of living in the pit, then being rescued..all are worthy. We may never know the effect our little story has on others. But God knows. So don't measure yourselves against others when it comes to faith, measure yourselves according to God's standards.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)