How does one start a blog? Am I really a blogger? I am so unhip and technologically unsound that the thought is quite humorous. My daughter just asked what I was doing and when I said I was starting a blog, she laughed. You never know maybe I have something to say after all.
Why am I starting a blog? Hmmmm...good question. I think I have somethings to say about some things. I might want to journal my life...the new trips I'm going on..and why I'm going on them. Maybe I want to connect with like-minded people about things I hold to be important like God and health and how the two connect.
I've decided to be bold in my beliefs. I have things to say about the way the world is, about the culture in which we live. Sometimes I want to scream "Don't you people get it? Don't you see?" So maybe this is my chance to do that. Even if nobody reads this it can be very therapeutic to just write and vent and ponder. A person gets tired, even exhausted trying to fit in, trying to not offend others. Trying to be everyone's friend and no ones enemy. Exhausting being the nice one. Not that I'm not nice, but I want more than that. I want to be known as a woman after God's heart. I want to be bold in my faith. I want insecurity and fear to melt away. I want God to make my life a great story. Not a life that fades into the background, but a life that proclaims his glory! I want to shed the old and wear the transforming new. I want God to open my eyes so that I will see what he sees...unplug my ears so that I may hear what he hears. I have lived my life too long with blinders on...becoming like a zombie..following the crowd. Looking a certain way, acting a certain way just to become like everyone else. I know with God I am an individual, with passions, with gifts , with a purpose for this life. I was placed here and now for such a time as this. Oh God make it so!
I'm learning to be obedient to God. I have lived a life nurturing fear. I'm not phobic, well not diagnosed at least! I have always been the safe, careful one. I'm the one that never drives too fast, does not do many "outdoorsy" activities like hiking or ATVing (what if a bear should strike or the quad roles?), does not do heights, rollercoasters or waterskiing. My youngest daughter is 11 and I still ask her to chew properly lest she choke when I'm not watching! Yes, it has made for alot of jokes... and the "Oh mother.." looks, you know the ones. But this year I have come to the conclusion..okay God has finally broken through the hard shell of my brain ...that enough is enough. Fear is robbing me of my life, my calling. I resolved to face my fears a step at a time.
Disneyworld. Oh the rides. You know when they take a snapshot of everyone as they fall the 50 feet, or as the rollercoaster rockets off at 65 miles an hour? Ya, I'm the woman in that snapshot that has the look of death upon her face..I can't say the look of death in her eyes because I am unable to open my eyes for the fear of facing the drop head on! Anyways, story be told, I did it. I rode the rides..Expedition Everest, Rockin' Rollercoaster, Hollywood Tower of Terror, Splash Mountain. And I have the pictures to prove it. Point being, I did it. It doesn't mean that I am any less scared of rides. I'm still terrified, but man, did I have fun. I made some memories with my family on that trip. We had a blast! I didn't die. I didn't get maimed in a horrible rollercoater accident. I didn't even throw up. I did alot of praying and alot of grunting (I realized that when I am that scared I can't even manage to get out a scream..the best I can do is grunt while tucking my face into my chin).
The next big step is going on a mission's trip to Mozambique, then touring Egypt for 5 days after that. Nothing like doing it big! Believe me, it wasn't my idea. God seems to think that my husband (Stephen) and I should go. Not that a mission hasn't come across my mind before. You know, sitting in church when the mission team has just come back from somewhere or when a speaker comes in for "Mission's week". I think, " Oh that would be cool to do one day". (It's always "one day" or "some day", never now). You see it's Stephen and my 15th wedding anniversary this July and we had been budgeting since last November to save to go to the United Kingdom. I have always wanted to go since I was a teenager, see England and Scotland..the countryside, all the history. But God had different plans. You see, I was scared about travelling to England..England of all places! I'm not a fan of flying to start with, and what about the driving, they drive on the wrong side of the road (talk about waiting for an accident to happen!) I had planned out every detail of this trip..flights, hotels, driving routes, driving times, activities, castles to see, horses to ride...you get the idea? (Did I mention I have a type-A personality?) Then one Sunday God spoke to my husband and put the calling in his heart. I happened to be at work that Sunday, but he casually told me about the mission trip later that night. He thought it would be interesting to go. I thought so too (thinking that that was where it would end). Then I started to get what could only be explained as an "urging" to go. Stephen only had 2 weeks left of vacation for the year, so it was the U.K or Mozambique. We decided to go to Mozambique. I mean c'mon, how could this not be a God thing? That we would have enough money to go and that Stephen and I both would have the time off to go?
I have been going back and forth with my fears about this trip. I was scared of travelling to England? Now we were going to a third world country.Fear of flying? Haha. Try 31 hours instead of 8.5!We now were going to a country where there are scorpions and snakes, and spiders (not daddy-long legs either). The country is stable, the civil war ended in 1992. But they do drive on the wrong side of the road! I think I was most scared of the unknown. These people have it rough. Death is daily from things we take for granted, like a broken hip. I'm a nurse and so I hope I can help in some way. But I'm a Labour and Delivery nurse so I am much more comfortable delivering a baby than .....than what? That's the point, what can I do to help? I'm thinking the point is that it's not going to be about what I can do to physically help someone. I think God wants me to let go of the reigns a bit, and just have faith in Him. If I can hold someone's hand or pray over someone (even if they don't speak my language) it will be enough for me. Today I was listening to Beth Moore teach about pressing back fear. And some of the words she spoke spoke directly to my soul. "Plant your feet on that battlefield, hold your face up until my glory is shining on it and I'm going to show you a victory to the likes of which you have never seen. God wants to take you where you have not been before." Wow. Now that is revelation! My battlefield is fear..I need to take that step, to go where he sends me and if I do I will be blessed beyond my imagination. God wants to take me where I haven't been before..Yes, I have never been to Africa before, but I think he wants to take every one of us to a deeper level, a deeper undertstanding of Him. I believe this trip is going to be life-altering. I believe that we are going to be transformed by this experience. And you know what..I can't wait!
Why am I starting a blog? Hmmmm...good question. I think I have somethings to say about some things. I might want to journal my life...the new trips I'm going on..and why I'm going on them. Maybe I want to connect with like-minded people about things I hold to be important like God and health and how the two connect.
I've decided to be bold in my beliefs. I have things to say about the way the world is, about the culture in which we live. Sometimes I want to scream "Don't you people get it? Don't you see?" So maybe this is my chance to do that. Even if nobody reads this it can be very therapeutic to just write and vent and ponder. A person gets tired, even exhausted trying to fit in, trying to not offend others. Trying to be everyone's friend and no ones enemy. Exhausting being the nice one. Not that I'm not nice, but I want more than that. I want to be known as a woman after God's heart. I want to be bold in my faith. I want insecurity and fear to melt away. I want God to make my life a great story. Not a life that fades into the background, but a life that proclaims his glory! I want to shed the old and wear the transforming new. I want God to open my eyes so that I will see what he sees...unplug my ears so that I may hear what he hears. I have lived my life too long with blinders on...becoming like a zombie..following the crowd. Looking a certain way, acting a certain way just to become like everyone else. I know with God I am an individual, with passions, with gifts , with a purpose for this life. I was placed here and now for such a time as this. Oh God make it so!
I'm learning to be obedient to God. I have lived a life nurturing fear. I'm not phobic, well not diagnosed at least! I have always been the safe, careful one. I'm the one that never drives too fast, does not do many "outdoorsy" activities like hiking or ATVing (what if a bear should strike or the quad roles?), does not do heights, rollercoasters or waterskiing. My youngest daughter is 11 and I still ask her to chew properly lest she choke when I'm not watching! Yes, it has made for alot of jokes... and the "Oh mother.." looks, you know the ones. But this year I have come to the conclusion..okay God has finally broken through the hard shell of my brain ...that enough is enough. Fear is robbing me of my life, my calling. I resolved to face my fears a step at a time.
Disneyworld. Oh the rides. You know when they take a snapshot of everyone as they fall the 50 feet, or as the rollercoaster rockets off at 65 miles an hour? Ya, I'm the woman in that snapshot that has the look of death upon her face..I can't say the look of death in her eyes because I am unable to open my eyes for the fear of facing the drop head on! Anyways, story be told, I did it. I rode the rides..Expedition Everest, Rockin' Rollercoaster, Hollywood Tower of Terror, Splash Mountain. And I have the pictures to prove it. Point being, I did it. It doesn't mean that I am any less scared of rides. I'm still terrified, but man, did I have fun. I made some memories with my family on that trip. We had a blast! I didn't die. I didn't get maimed in a horrible rollercoater accident. I didn't even throw up. I did alot of praying and alot of grunting (I realized that when I am that scared I can't even manage to get out a scream..the best I can do is grunt while tucking my face into my chin).
The next big step is going on a mission's trip to Mozambique, then touring Egypt for 5 days after that. Nothing like doing it big! Believe me, it wasn't my idea. God seems to think that my husband (Stephen) and I should go. Not that a mission hasn't come across my mind before. You know, sitting in church when the mission team has just come back from somewhere or when a speaker comes in for "Mission's week". I think, " Oh that would be cool to do one day". (It's always "one day" or "some day", never now). You see it's Stephen and my 15th wedding anniversary this July and we had been budgeting since last November to save to go to the United Kingdom. I have always wanted to go since I was a teenager, see England and Scotland..the countryside, all the history. But God had different plans. You see, I was scared about travelling to England..England of all places! I'm not a fan of flying to start with, and what about the driving, they drive on the wrong side of the road (talk about waiting for an accident to happen!) I had planned out every detail of this trip..flights, hotels, driving routes, driving times, activities, castles to see, horses to ride...you get the idea? (Did I mention I have a type-A personality?) Then one Sunday God spoke to my husband and put the calling in his heart. I happened to be at work that Sunday, but he casually told me about the mission trip later that night. He thought it would be interesting to go. I thought so too (thinking that that was where it would end). Then I started to get what could only be explained as an "urging" to go. Stephen only had 2 weeks left of vacation for the year, so it was the U.K or Mozambique. We decided to go to Mozambique. I mean c'mon, how could this not be a God thing? That we would have enough money to go and that Stephen and I both would have the time off to go?
I have been going back and forth with my fears about this trip. I was scared of travelling to England? Now we were going to a third world country.Fear of flying? Haha. Try 31 hours instead of 8.5!We now were going to a country where there are scorpions and snakes, and spiders (not daddy-long legs either). The country is stable, the civil war ended in 1992. But they do drive on the wrong side of the road! I think I was most scared of the unknown. These people have it rough. Death is daily from things we take for granted, like a broken hip. I'm a nurse and so I hope I can help in some way. But I'm a Labour and Delivery nurse so I am much more comfortable delivering a baby than .....than what? That's the point, what can I do to help? I'm thinking the point is that it's not going to be about what I can do to physically help someone. I think God wants me to let go of the reigns a bit, and just have faith in Him. If I can hold someone's hand or pray over someone (even if they don't speak my language) it will be enough for me. Today I was listening to Beth Moore teach about pressing back fear. And some of the words she spoke spoke directly to my soul. "Plant your feet on that battlefield, hold your face up until my glory is shining on it and I'm going to show you a victory to the likes of which you have never seen. God wants to take you where you have not been before." Wow. Now that is revelation! My battlefield is fear..I need to take that step, to go where he sends me and if I do I will be blessed beyond my imagination. God wants to take me where I haven't been before..Yes, I have never been to Africa before, but I think he wants to take every one of us to a deeper level, a deeper undertstanding of Him. I believe this trip is going to be life-altering. I believe that we are going to be transformed by this experience. And you know what..I can't wait!
Lauralee
ReplyDeleteThis truly brought me to tears when I read it. God had given you favor. Embrace it Lauralee. He has many plans for you. You will conquer your batlefield of fear. You are truly amazing and I am proud of you in a godly way. I knew from the moment you were born that God had great plans for you. You are unique in the way God created you. There is only one of you and I feel truly blessed that I have had you in my life. I am so excited for your new adventure; this new milestone in your life. And I believe that this trip that you are going on is going to be life-altering; for you and your husband Stephen. I know your earthly father must be looking down on and saying, "This is my daughter whom I love and am very proud of her" As I am. You are on a journey in your life that will be like no other and I wish I could be with you. Well I will; in a sense. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers. Never falter and hold the hand of God always. I love you my dear more than you will ever know. I am so excited for you. God bless and congratulations on your first blog!!!!!
Your mom is right you are an amazing person, who believe it or not IS brave. I do the quadding and bear thing, totally oblivious to the dangers. And I believe you may have more guts than me... You openly and sometimes quite vocally ;) profess your love and beliefs in the Lord, Some might share your passion but have to much fear in the unknown of others and their beliefs to open their mouths and have their say... I am proud to be your friend and always will be no matter where your heart takes you :)
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