When Life Kicks You in the Gut

Today life kicked me in the gut. I found out that a person, who I consider a friend, is sick with cancer. This person has such a beautiful spirit, basically, she doesn't deserve to have this disease (not like anyone does though).  It makes a person ask why? Why God? Why her? When she has been through so much in her life only to arrive..here. It brings tears to my eyes. People ask me, how can God do something like this if He loves us? After all, I'm the Christian girl. I feel I should have an explaination. A verse or two that would explain it all. That would wipe away all the tears, clear everyone's unanswered questions. But alas, I do not. All I can say is that God is love. God is hope. Perhaps it's times like these that force even those who don't normally seek His face to come closer, if only to raise an angry fist. God does not get his "jollies" by striking young people with cancer. You have the wrong guy, that guy lives down south.

I don't know why this has happened, nor why bad things happen to good people. I know that there is a plan beyond our immediate sights, that God is soveriegn. That God has a plan and purpose for this world, for his people. Sometimes we go through trials to establish our faith and belief in Him and His power. Sometimes trials happen that strengthen faith. A trial that makes a person go through the trenches with God, but come out on the otherside a changed person. And sometimes it's just that person's time to meet Him. Now, the last statement doesn't automatically calm or ease the pain and grief for the person's family as swiftly as total deliverance from the disease. But if you are a Christian you have to know that this life is not all there is, what comes next is the real deal. It's called hope. We have a hope that our prayers will be anwered, that all will be well. But we also have the hope in knowing that we have an eternal inheritance with Jesus after this life.

Another good friend has recently been in the trenches...for awhile. She has faith. She believes. I can almost see her yelling at the sky "Alright already, I have faith, what more do you want?!" She loves the Lord fiercely. And He knows it. Sometimes I picture God with a shield in front of us as satan throws his best punches...what we felt was nothing to what we could have felt if God wasn't there. She says she knows God is telling her to have faith through all this. She has asked  what that really means: "have faith". Should she just do nothing to guard or protect herself or her belongings? No, I'm thinking that to do nothing would be silly. I feel God is refining her...polishing her faith of silver into faith of gold. Because to have faith before or after trials is commendable, but to have faith in the midst of the storm is worship!

We all have a history. That history gave rise to who we are today, good or bad. I believe how we face our trials in life speaks to how we live life now..do we celebrate our lives now, or do we mourn them? Does your life give glory to God? Because I'm sorry to say, that that is what life is about. It's when we try to glorify ourselves that we become empty and lost. What is a good life? To be loved, to have love, to give love.That is what God has planned for us. Many of us have been abused...physically, emotionally, sexually. And that is NEVER part of God's plan..you hear me? NEVER! God IS love. In a perfect world (which one day there will be) we would never encounter such sin, but sin exists in this world and it pollutes people and their actions. How do you deal with it? Do you hate? Do you hate God? Do you hold a grudge? Have you guarded your heart so no one will ever get that close to you again? Stop. Because if you continue satan has won. Everytime you hate, everytime you withdraw farther from your Father, satan laughs and rejoices. Think of that. But if you bring that pain, that deep ache to the Lord, he will heal you and turn satan's victory into a loss. I'm not saying the healing will be instantaneous (or maybe it will), but when you let the light in, the darkness flees. And I'm not saying that the healing won't hurt, because it will. But in order to get the poison out, the wound must be debrided and cleaned so it won't fester.

 I have learned many things through my own trials. But the most important thing is that I know that God was with me. That He never stopped loving me. Often times our worst oppression, our greatest affliction is our finest chance to show the most light to others. How many people who have been sick or have had a loved one who was sick become a nurse or a doctor? How many people who have recovered from addictions in the past become addiction counsellors? It's all up to how you face your demons...do you fight them or join them?Praise You in This Storm Video

New Beginnings

How does one start a blog? Am I really a blogger? I am so unhip and technologically unsound that the thought is quite humorous. My daughter just asked what I was doing and when I said I was starting a blog, she laughed. You never know maybe I have something to say after all.

Why am I starting a blog? Hmmmm...good question. I think I have somethings to say about some things. I might want to journal my life...the new trips I'm going on..and why I'm going on them. Maybe I want to connect with like-minded people about things I hold to be important like God and health and how the two connect.

I've decided to be bold in my beliefs. I have things to say about the way the world is, about the culture in which we live. Sometimes I want to scream "Don't you people get it? Don't you see?" So maybe this is my chance to do that. Even if nobody reads this it can be very therapeutic to just write and vent and ponder. A person gets tired, even exhausted trying to fit in, trying to not offend others. Trying to be everyone's friend and no ones enemy. Exhausting being the nice one. Not that I'm not nice, but I want more than that. I want to be known as a woman after God's heart. I want to be bold in my faith. I want insecurity and fear to melt away. I want God to make my life a great story. Not a life that fades into the background, but a life that proclaims his glory! I want to shed the old and wear the transforming new. I want God to open my eyes so that I will see what he sees...unplug my ears so that I may hear what he hears. I have lived my life too long with blinders on...becoming like a zombie..following the crowd. Looking a certain way, acting a certain way just to become like everyone else. I know with God I am an individual, with passions, with gifts , with a purpose for this life. I was placed here and now for such a time as this. Oh God make it so!

I'm learning to be obedient to God. I have lived a life nurturing fear. I'm not phobic, well not diagnosed at least! I have always been the safe, careful one. I'm the one that never drives too fast, does not do many "outdoorsy" activities like hiking or ATVing (what if a bear should strike or the quad roles?), does not do heights, rollercoasters or waterskiing. My youngest daughter is 11 and I still ask her to chew properly lest she choke when I'm not watching! Yes, it has made for alot of jokes... and the "Oh mother.." looks, you know the ones. But this year I have come to the conclusion..okay God has finally broken through the hard shell of my brain ...that enough is enough. Fear is robbing me of my life, my calling. I resolved to face my fears a step at a time.

Disneyworld. Oh the rides. You know when they take a snapshot of everyone as they fall the 50 feet, or as the rollercoaster rockets off at 65 miles an hour? Ya, I'm the woman in that snapshot that has the look of death upon her face..I can't say the look of death in her eyes because I am unable to open my eyes for the fear of facing the drop head on! Anyways, story be told, I did it. I rode the rides..Expedition Everest, Rockin' Rollercoaster, Hollywood Tower of Terror, Splash Mountain. And I have the pictures to prove it. Point being, I did it. It doesn't mean that I am any less scared of rides. I'm still terrified, but man, did I have fun. I made some memories with my family on that trip. We had a blast! I didn't die. I didn't get maimed in a horrible rollercoater accident. I didn't even throw up. I did alot of praying and alot of grunting (I realized that when I am that scared I can't even manage to get out a scream..the best I can do is grunt while tucking my face into my chin).

The next big step is going on a mission's trip to Mozambique, then touring Egypt for 5 days after that. Nothing like doing it big! Believe me, it wasn't my idea. God seems to think that my husband (Stephen) and I should go. Not that a mission hasn't come across my mind before. You know, sitting in church when the mission team has just come back from somewhere or when a speaker comes in for "Mission's week". I think, " Oh that would be cool to do one day". (It's always "one day" or "some day", never now). You see it's Stephen and my 15th wedding anniversary this July and we had been budgeting since last November to save to go to the United Kingdom. I have always wanted to go since I was a teenager, see England and Scotland..the countryside, all the history. But God had different plans. You see, I was scared about travelling to England..England of all places! I'm not a fan of flying to start with, and what about the driving, they drive on the wrong side of the road (talk about waiting for an accident to happen!) I had planned out every detail of this trip..flights, hotels, driving routes, driving times, activities, castles to see, horses to ride...you get the idea? (Did I mention I have a type-A personality?) Then one Sunday God spoke to my husband and put the calling in his heart. I happened to be at work that Sunday, but he casually told me about the mission trip later that night. He thought it would be interesting to go. I thought so too (thinking that that was where it would end). Then I started to get what could only be explained as an "urging" to go. Stephen only had 2 weeks left of vacation for the year, so it was the U.K or Mozambique. We decided to go to Mozambique. I mean c'mon, how could this not be a God thing? That we would have enough money to go and that Stephen and I both would have the time off to go?

I have been going back and forth with my fears about this trip. I was scared of travelling to England? Now we were going to a third world country.Fear of flying? Haha. Try 31 hours instead of 8.5!We now were going to a country where there are scorpions and snakes, and spiders (not daddy-long legs either). The country is stable, the civil war ended in 1992. But they do drive on the wrong side of the road! I think I was most scared of the unknown. These people have it rough. Death is daily from things we take for granted, like a broken hip. I'm a nurse and so I hope I can help in some way. But I'm a Labour and Delivery nurse so I am much more comfortable delivering a baby than .....than what? That's the point, what can I do to help? I'm thinking the point is that it's not going to be about what I can do to physically help someone. I think God wants me to let go of the reigns a bit, and just have faith in Him. If I can hold someone's hand or pray over someone (even if they don't speak my language) it will be enough for me. Today I was listening to Beth Moore teach about pressing back fear. And some of the words she spoke spoke directly to my soul. "Plant your feet on that battlefield, hold your face up until my glory is shining on it and I'm going to show you a victory to the likes of which you have never seen. God wants to take you where you have not been before." Wow. Now that is revelation! My battlefield is fear..I need to take that step, to go where he sends me and if I do I will be blessed beyond my imagination. God wants to take me where I haven't been before..Yes, I have never been to Africa before, but I think he wants to take every one of us to a deeper level, a deeper undertstanding of Him. I believe this trip is going to be life-altering. I believe that we are going to be transformed by this experience. And you know what..I can't wait!